Though baseball buffs dissect strategy endlessly, one significant aspect of the major league game has been underanalyzed—the various angry responses a batter can make to being hit by a pitch. Sooner or later this season—probably sooner, considering how many mound-charging incidents have taken place in recent years—a batter will take exception to getting plunked and will seek redress in one of these time-honored ways.
1. Batter, a la Teddy Roosevelt charges the hill.
2. Feeling he needs backup, batter brings along a friend.
3. Batter lollygags on way to first, then suddenly veers for a flank attack.
4. Cut off by pitcher's henchmen, batter tries to juke his way to adversary.
5. Batter stays at home and sends message by air.
6. Batter decides, as Kansas City Royal Brian McRae did last year, that opposing manager is the real culprit.