Flipping over to SportsCenter, Green Bay Packers defensive end Reggie White can't help notice that sitting in for Dan Patrick is God.
Reggie, God says.
White's eyes go big as Frisbees.
Reggie, we gotta talk.
Panicked, White looks at his wife, but she's half-asleep.
She can't see me, Reg.
Frenzied, White changes to Jerry Springer, but God is there, too, ducking punches.
Reggie, what the hell are you thinking? I mean, really, where'd you get some of this crazy stuff?
White tries another channel, but God is there, too, hosting Wheel of Fortune. "Wh-wh-wh," White stammers.
Buy a vowel, Reg. I mean, the things you expect people to believe! You've told people that when you were a free agent I talked you out of playing for San Francisco. You said, "I heard God speak to me: 'Where did the head coach and the offensive coordinator and the defensive coordinator of Green Bay come from?' And I said, ' San Francisco.' And He said, 'Well, I want you to go to Green Bay.' " What am I, your agent? Do you think I have time to worry about where you get paid to knock people stupid? I have other things on my mind. Does the word Rwanda mean anything to you?