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Must-Not-See TV
Rick Reilly
April 07, 2003
Eskimos need more ice. Liz Taylor needs more chins. And we need more sports cable networks. Five more—Ice Channel, Black Belt TV, Football Network, Tennis Channel and College Sports Television—debut within the next six months. What can they possibly show when everything is already on TV? You'd be amazed.
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April 07, 2003

Must-not-see Tv

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TV TONIGHT

 

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FOOTBALL NETWORK

THOSE AREN'T FLAGS!
Highlights from the Nude Flag Football playoffs.

THE OSBORNES
Reality show captures madcap home life of former Nebraska coach Tom Osborne. This week: Against his better judgment, Tom experiments with nonmaple syrups.

THE PRACTICE
Host Rudy Reuttiger takes you through another exciting Notre Dame workout.

NFL FILMS EXTRA
Culled from the editing-room floor of NFL Films, clips that nobody dreamed would be good enough for TV. This week: "Nearly Complete Passes!"

CROTCHFIRE!
Four veteran centers argue quarterback snap techniques.

ICE CHANNEL

ANTIQUES ROADSHOW
Skating exhibition stars Peggy Fleming and Dorothy Hamill.

KISS 'N' CRY
Tears and teddy bears rule in the little booth occupied by skaters, some of them women.

ALL MY CHILDREN
Parents who sent their five-year-olds out of state to live and train with figure skating coaches try to recall what their kids look like years later.

FEAR FACTOR
Contestants try to survive five minutes in a locked hotel room with Tonya Harding.

CSI: SALT LAKE
A French skating judge is murdered with a sequin gun.

JUST SHOOT ME
Husbands whose wives watch the Ice Channel discuss their options.

BLACK BELT TV

SASHIMI STREET
Elmo learns a hard lesson about nunchakus.

PARDON THE CONTUSION
Two sportswriters debate, with the loser being flung against the dojo walls.

THE 700 CLUB
Sumo wrestlers weigh themselves.

E.R.
A trip to the venue where all postfight interviews are conducted during the World Full Contact Karate Championships.

THIS OLD HOUSE
Karate experts save big bucks by demolishing a house using only their foreheads.

EVERYBODY LOVES SUKI
This week Suki is in hot water for accidentally killing the Fed Ex guy.

TENNIS CHANNEL

HOLD, TUCK OR TOSS?
Anna Kournikova hosts this in-depth report on tennis's biggest controversy: What does one do with the second service ball?

FUZZ!
Hard-bitten cop Drago ( Pete Sampras) investigates a new can of balls that come out suspiciously bald.

CATGUT YOUR TONGUE?
Contestants try to find the words to describe Bud Collins's pants.

TRIPLE FAULT
Venus and Serena Williams's three other sisters continue their weekly discussions with Dr. Phil about why Richard never taught them to play tennis.

COLLEGE SPORTS TELEVISION

SIX FEET UNDER
Interviews with Ivy League basketball centers.

MY BIG FAT GREEK LIFE
Highlights from the week in sorority and fraternity intramurals.

SURVIVOR
The last remaining collegiate men's gymnastics team talks about its chances of winning the national championship.

AMERICAN IDLE
Profiles of the kind of slugs with enough time on their hands to watch networks like these.

Eskimos need more ice. Liz Taylor needs more chins. And we need more sports cable networks. Five more—Ice Channel, Black Belt TV, Football Network, Tennis Channel and College Sports Television—debut within the next six months. What can they possibly show when everything is already on TV? You'd be amazed.

[This article contains a table. Please see hardcopy of magazine or PDF.]

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