SI Vault
 
TOO TRUE To Be Good
Steve Rushin
December 29, 2003
All year our resident Santa has been making his list and checking it twice, and now he's found out who's been naughty...and who's been wildly—and ridiculously—off-base
Decrease font Decrease font
Enlarge font Enlarge font
December 29, 2003

Too True To Be Good

All year our resident Santa has been making his list and checking it twice, and now he's found out who's been naughty...and who's been wildly—and ridiculously—off-base

View CoverRead All Articles

IN THE CREDITS, HE WAS WILBUR WOOD
Cleveland Indians minor leaguer Kazuhito Tadano acknowledged that he had performed, while a college student in Japan, in a gay porn film.

WASN'T THAT A LINE FROM THE KAZ TADANO FILM?
After people wearing hot dog and Italian sausage costumes collided during a footrace at Miller Park in Milwaukee, Brewers manager Ned Yost said, "I just looked over and saw our wieners in a wad."

HOW MANY POLISH SAUSAGES DOES IT TAKE TO FILE A CLASS-ACTION LAWSUIT?
The wieners fell after Pittsburgh Pirates infielder Randall Simon hit the Italian sausage with a Louisville Slugger.

HE WAS PLACED IN FRENCH CUFFS
A man featured on the Kiss-Cam at the Great American Ballpark in Cincinnati was recognized by his probation officer, who promptly had him arrested for a parole violation.

HOSPITALITY A LA ROMANO?
Dodgers centerfielder Jason Romano tackled a fan who had run onto the field and was headed toward leftfielder Brian Jordan. "He came after BJ, tried to shake his hand or something," said Romano. "I just laid him out."

AND HIS FAITHFUL SIDEKICK, JUAN ZIMMER
At the NYU commencement ceremony, New York mayor Michael Bloomberg, sharing the dais with the manager of the Yankees, said, "It is a pleasure to be up here with Joe Torrez."

THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE SPECIAL TEAMS
Bloomberg suggested he would like to boost troop morale by sending the New York Giants' cheerleaders to Iraq. The Giants don't have cheerleaders.

BY THE REAL JOE TORREZ
Bloomberg, a multibillionaire, was denied a Sears card while shopping in Queens.

MARKETING WHIZ
The Sackets Harbor Brewing Company developed Funny Cide Light Beer.

WHILE SHIRIN EBADI WAS WINNING THE NOBEL PEACE PRIZE....
Steve Wiebe, 34, of Redmond, Wash., scored 947,200 points on Donkey Kong, breaking a 19-year-old world record.

Continue Story
1 2 3 4 5 6 7