Can't people see,
that's all he really wants. It's easy to misunderstand him when his fists are
wrapped around the rafters of the world and he's pulling down with all his
might, but that's what he actually seeks, a philosophy, a religion, something
to make it all feel whole and pure.
He takes a deep
inhalation of Brownsville and tries not to let go—God, when you walk into
Manhattan and they slap you on the back, it's so hard to hold it in. How else,
if he lets his past recede, can he preserve the hurt and outrage that made him
rebel, the anger that compels him to hit a man? Everyone is trying to dilute
it, every request for an interview or a photo or an autograph threatens to
weaken it, every multimillion-dollar offer, every fan that sidles up to him on
the boardwalk in Atlantic City and says. "You're going to kill Holmes, he's
an old man," every reminder that he has become the favored one, that he now
is society's champion. Don't they see what they're doing to him? They're making
him master, but to succeed he must be the rebel. He is driven to conquer; to do
it, he must feel oppressed. How can he keep fighting with his lips curled back
if they rob him of that? Why does the way he satisfies himself have to satisfy
them; how can he take the paycheck and keep the cry of the self pure?
"What am I
going to do with all that money?" he groans. Twenty-one years old, 60
million dollars this year, six-sevenths of what Ali earned in his entire ring
career. He buys a Mercedes, a Jaguar, a Rolls-Royce, a Corvette, but a week
later every one of them bores him. "Real freedom is having nothing," he
says. "I was freer when I didn't have a cent. Do you know what I do
sometimes? Put on a ski mask and dress in old clothes, go out on the streets
and beg quarters."
It's late
December in Atlantic City, four weeks before the fight with Holmes. Soon, as
they are a month before each bout, 20 black-and-white photos of former
champions will be taped to the walls of the condominium he stays in. Videos of
their epic battles will play again and again on his screen; he, with each
squeeze of his remote control, pumps life back into their nickering spirits and
fights away the question: Who one day will do that for him?
He doesn't
measure himself against his contemporaries, but against them—the gods. He wears
the same bulky sweaters, long overcoats, cuffed trousers and caps that they
did; squints and tries to see his own life in grainy black and white, bathed on
a screen with the same soft white light as theirs; why, why doesn't his life
ever seem quite as magical?
Sometimes,
wrapped in knee-length white mink, he'll go 72 straight hours prowling the
nightclubs, streets and hotels of New York. Then come days of listlessness and
boredom in his apartment, staring at videos of movies in which people's heads
get split open and their eyes are gouged out. One day, he'll eat 15 chicken
wings and a gallon of ice cream. The next, he won't eat a thing. Life must be
devoured, to prove that there are no limits to his freedom. Life must be shoved
away, to prove that he remains in control. "Every conquest adds to
him," says Lott. "He needs to conquer something new every day."
He walks into the
wind on the boardwalk, distant, moody. Too many backslaps since that last night
in Brownsville, his lungs can't hold it anymore, that deep breath at midnight
has escaped him. Everything's compromised, it's all drudgery, four weeks of
killing himself in training, all for another staged social event. He looks up
at the Trump Plaza marquee advertising the fight, sees the big picture of him
with one title belt around his waist and two crisscrossed like bandoliers
across his chest, suddenly he recaptures the snapshot of himself that he needs.
"Look!" he cries. "Look at me! Like a———bandit!" He hop-steps
like a little boy. "It's going to be great! I can't wait, it's going to be
great!"
Please, don't ask
him to explain. Confusion is his gunpowder. Every explanation lets a little of
it leak. O.K., listen well; he won't do this often. He is pacing in a dingy
locker room above the police station in Catskill, where he trains, night
crowding all around a single naked light bulb. One moment he is in the shadows
at the far end of the room, fingering a boxing glove, a wad of tape, anything
his restless hands can find. The next he looms above you, touching your
shoulder, an intelligent man trying to press into you a feeling for which he
never learned words. His voice, it's still soprano, a bird trapped inside a
tenement.
"In my mind,
everyone is against me," he says. "Some people may act like they
respect me, but they don't. I'm in a business of phonies. I want to believe the
whole world is against me. I love the smell of danger. I love living on the
edge. In my mind I'm not a man who has made 25 million dollars. I'm still the
wild kid on the streets.
"I believe in
taking chances. There's nothing I won't try, as far as my social life. Small
stakes don't interest me. Only big. I never stole for the money, I stole for
the excitement. No one will ever tell me what to do. I refuse to have anyone
dictate to me.