SI: A press release for your Detroit shows touts "Kimmel's inimitable style." What exactly is your inimitable style?
Kimmel: Hunched over a laptop all day in a dark office, passing gas. That's my inimitable style.
SI: Your show was taken off the air for a day after you said during the 2004 NBA Finals, "They're going to burn the city of Detroit down if the Pistons win, and it's not worth it." Did you imagine your remark would cause so much controversy?
Kimmel: Not only did I not think twice about [saying] it, I didn't think once about it. It was just L.A. versus Detroit trash talk as far as I was concerned. I was just being stupid.
SI: How much of your time in Detroit will you spend trying to curry favor with the locals?
Kimmel: There will be a good deal of ass-kissing. Probably 43 percent of the show.
SI: You hit a home run, wearing a Tigers hat, in the All-Star celebrity game in 2004. How short were those fences?
Kimmel: They were relatively short, but I will say this: I was the only nonathlete to hit a home run in that game. I hit one over Kenny Mayne's head, which is not so impressive now that he's a professional ballroom dancer. But at the time it was exciting.
SI: Who are your dream sports guests?
Kimmel: Karl Malone, who refers to himself in the third, and even sometimes the fourth, person. Mike Tyson is on any list. So are Steve Garvey and Jerry Tarkanian. And Mike Piazza would be a special musical guest.
SI: How fast would your girlfriend, comedian Sarah Silverman, dump you for Tom Brady?
Kimmel: She's not so into handsome guys, as evidenced by her relationship with me. She'd be more likely to dump me for Greg Brady.
? For more from Jimmy Kimmel, go to SI.com/scorecard.