Kansas vs Houston: Player Ratings to the Theme of Types of Milk

A terrible game leads to a boring list for the ratings.

That was easily one of the worst Kansas performances I’ve ever seen and I’ve watched almost every Kansas basketball game since the 1987-88 season. It was worse than the scoreline indicated. But enough about the game because the less said about that debacle, the better.

I’m ranking milks today and it was chosen as the topic because I wanted something bland and boring. I didn’t want to waste a good topic on such a terrible game. So, while I wanted to add delicious treats like chocolate, strawberry, and other flavored milks, I left them off because they were just too good for a game that bad.

The milks you see on this list are pretty much for use on cereal only. Don’t hurt the messenger. After all, I didn’t play in the game.

The criteria (feel free to skip using our table of contents:

Contents

1. 5 Stars: Oat
2. 4 Stars: Rice/Soy
3. 3 Stars: Cow
4. 2 Stars: Almond
5. 1 Star: Camel

5 Stars: Out of this world performance. This is a hard to achieve rating and is only reserved for the most impressive or impressionable performances.

4 Stars: A strong performance that falls just short of the standards above.

3 Stars: Average performance. Also could be a very strong game in one aspect but a very poor game in another such as 15 points but seven turnovers. Could also be that the player played, did their job, but didn't do much spectacularly.

2 Stars: Below average performance, or we simply have higher expectations for the player on this particular night.

1 Star: Rare, but if a player has a stinker in all aspects.

5 Stars: Oat

We almost exclusively use oat milk at our house so this tops the list. It’s creamier and better tasting than all non dairy substitutes.

4 Stars: Rice/Soy

If they’re out of oat milk, rice is my next choice. Soy is third.

3 Stars: Cow

Tasty in my cornflakes but not exactly environmentally sustainable.

No starter or regular contributor was good enough to be a five, four, or even a three star, but I’ll put all the walk-ons right here even though they all should’ve played the entire second half. 

Wilder Evers scored the only points from the entire group of walk-ons.

2 Stars: Almond

Speaking of not environmentally friendly, the popular almond milk enters the ratings. While delicious, the sheer amount of nuts it takes to make the milk is outrageous.

This game had a sweep of one star performances written all over it, but I’m going to give a few sympathy twos for a few of the regular players. KJ Adams got knocked to the floor more than anyone I’ve seen in a long time and ended the day with nine points and five rebounds. This is a sympathy two star for sure.

Jamari McDowell hustled a lot and Parker Braun got scammed out of minutes because KU played and risked Hunter Dickinson in a blow out that was inevitable with less than six minutes expired in the game. Elmarko Jackson did a few good things in his minutes.

1 Star: Camel

Nah, I’m good. I don’t need this unless I’m in a place where it is a traditional drink.

Everyone else lands here, but here’s a recap of how bad things were:

Dajuan Harris had three points and an assist while Kevin McCullar didn’t score at all. Johnny Furphy made two threes and he probably could’ve gotten a “I hope this gets him going in the post season” bump to a two but I’m in no mood to be nice.

If Hunter Dickinson’s shoulder injury is serious, the season is officially over. He shouldn’t have been risked in the second half, and I know that isn’t his fault, so this is a Bill Self one star more than anything else.

Nick Timberlake couldn’t take the momentum from the K-State game into this one, missing all of his threes and finishing with four points.

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