KANSAS

Kansas vs Kansas State: Player Ratings to the Theme of Breakfast Pastries

Today, we rank the performance of Jayhawk players against the Wildcats to various breakfast items.

Derek Noll

Kansas vs Kansas State: Player Ratings to the Theme of Breakfast Pastries
Kansas vs Kansas State: Player Ratings to the Theme of Breakfast Pastries /
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While I could’ve gone with something that K-State knows very little about (Handshake lines) or something to mark the 202-96 all-time lead that Kansas has in wins (Player Ratings to the Theme of 106+ might happen next season), I decided to go K-State adjacent.

Because you know what’s delicious? A freshly baked pastry, that’s what. You know who has experience with a form of pastry recently? Kansas State University. The Wildcats' triumph in the Pop-Tarts Bowl meant they were the first to consume the giant edible mascot. So for today’s ratings, we delve into the world of tasty breakfast pastries where even K-State fave, the two-star in this edition, is pretty good in certain contexts. Skip ahead using our table of contents, but if you don’t know the drill, here is the very scientific way we rate the players.

Contents

  1. 5 Stars: Croissant
  2. 4.5 Stars: Strudel
  3. 4 Stars: Pane au chocolate
  4. 3.5 Stars: Burek
  5. 3 Stars: Homemade Pop-Tart
  6. 2 Stars: Pop-Tart
  7. 1 Star: Prepackaged croissants
  8. Chris Teahan Memorial No Star:

5 Stars: Out of this world performance. This is a hard to achieve rating and is only reserved for the most impressive or impressionable performances.

4.5 Stars: Very strong performance, packed the stat sheet, provided undeniable intangibles.

4 Stars: A strong performance that falls just short of the standards above.

3.5 Stars: Above average performance, perhaps stands out in one category or one aspect of the game.

3 Stars: Average performance. Also could be a very strong game in one aspect but a very poor game in another such as 15 points but seven turnovers. Could also be that the player played, did their job, but didn't do much spectacularly.

2 Stars: Below average performance, or we simply have higher expectations for the player on this particular night.

1 Star: Rare, but if a player has a stinker in all aspects.

Memorial No Star: Named after former KU walk-on Chris Teahan and is awarded to the player(s) who didn't have enough playing time to contribute or whose performance isn't worthy of a rating for another reason.

5 Stars: Croissant

The flaky, buttery king of the French pastry (and therefore king of all pastries) is the obvious number one.

Despite the great result, no one was a five star.

4.5 Stars: Strudel

Apple or cherry? That’s really the only question here because both are delicious.

Both Hunter Dickinson and Kevin McCullar had great games, but just imagine how many more points they each would’ve had if the easiest of easy layups would’ve fallen. Against Baylor, Fran Frascilla made this comment when a McCullar layup rolled off the rim: “He makes that 99 out of 100 times.” Well, Kev’s now going to have to make 600 in a row to get that ratio back up to Fran’s high standards because several bunnies went astray in this one for McCullar.

That said, he scored 19 points with three rebounds, assists, and steals. That’s a decent game, but 5-14 from the floor has to improve for Kansas to reach its ceiling.

Dickinson was 5 of 16, but snatched 20 rebounds and had five blocks, many of them at crucial moments when the game was still close.

For the fans, it was great to see the ball go out of Nick Timberlake’s hands and through the hoop. It’s gotta feel even better for him. If it took until the first week of March to get the real Timberlake to show up, I’m here for it. Let’s hope that this isn’t another false start and Kansas can keep depending on 10 or more from the outgoing senior. He finished this one with 18 on four offive shooting from deep.

4 Stars: Pane au chocolate

Somehow, the croissant with chocolate inside isn’t as good as the original. Maybe it’s the fact that they have a different shape, I’m not sure. Listen, I might criticize a bit, but I’d eat ten right now if you gave them to me.

Sixteen points from KJ Adams was only part of the story. KJ nailed all six of his free throws and provided his typical energy all game. Missed a couple of easy ones that I’m sure he’d like back, but so did everyone on Kansas.

Patrick Cassidy scored his first ever basket for Kansas. He gets a four star from us.

3.5 Stars: Burek

Puff pastry filled with either a feta like cheese or a savory minced meat and spice combo, these Balkan delicacies are a treat at any point in the day. And they fill you up amazingly well too.

Eight points and seven assists is actually kind of a slump game for Dajuan Harris these days, but on a day when everyone is clicking, this is the exact game you’d expect from the returning senior.

Elmarko Jackson came in and did what was asked of him again, finishing with a jumper and a free throw. Only played six minutes, but those six minutes were flawless outside of a missed free throw. Right now, this role is suiting him perfectly. Ideally, Kansas would like to get about 15 minutes and seven points from the talented freshman.

3 Stars: Homemade Pop-Tart

I always see these and think, “man, those look amazing” only for them to be pretty good but never amazing. Oh, and they’re always overpriced. Always.

Johnny Furphy has kind of disappeared in the last few games. Against K-State he scored two layins and converted all four of his free throws. He added four rebounds and two assists.

Michael Jankovich snuck in a free throw in his Allen Fieldhouse finale.

2 Stars: Pop-Tart

This snacking staple is still pretty tasty! It’s just not as good as the handcrafted pastries above but definitely one of the best two stars we’ve ever had. Not sure about the edible mascot from the Pop-Tarts Bowl though.

No one was a pop-tart.

1 Star: Prepackaged croissants

Give me a thousand Pop-Tarts over these dry loser pastries.

No one was a one in this blowout.

Chris Teahan Memorial No Star:

Parker Braun was a little hobbled and only got a few minutes while Jamari McDowell played three minutes. Walk-ons Wilder Evers and Dillon Wilhite got a novelty minute at the end.

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Derek Noll
DEREK NOLL

An avid Jayhawks fan his entire life, Derek graduated from the University of Kansas in 1999 and has been writing about the Jayhawks since 2014, getting his start at Rock Chalk Talk.  He specializes in uniform analysis for basketball and football and offers a humorous take on player performances through Player Ratings posts.

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