KANSAS

Kansas vs Texas: Player Ratings to the Theme of Types of Salsas

Kansas dominated Texas as they limp out of the Big XII

Derek Noll

Kansas vs Texas: Player Ratings to the Theme of Types of Salsas
Kansas vs Texas: Player Ratings to the Theme of Types of Salsas /
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Texas is leaving the conference for the presumably greener pastures of the SEC, and while I won’t miss the pompousness and self importance of the university and the fans, I will miss the city of Austin. One thing Austin is known for is breakfast tacos, so we’ll go taco adjacent for the ratings this time around. 

Today, we venture into the world of salsa, rating the best salsas out there. Sure, we could go into great detail and differentiate between the types of red salsas based on chiles used, but we here at the player ratings don’t like to discriminate, so we’ll keep this one pretty basic. But first, the method behind the madness but you can skip ahead using the ToC if you know the process:

Contents

  1. 5 Stars: Authentic red
  2. 4.5 Stars: Authentic green
  3. 4 Stars: Mole
  4. 3.5 Stars: Tabasco
  5. 3 Stars: Pico de Gallo
  6. 2 Stars: Pace Picante
  7. 1 Star: Those ultra hot hot sauces

5 Stars: Out of this world performance. This is a hard to achieve rating and is only reserved for the most impressive or impressionable performances.

4.5 Stars: Very strong performance, packed the stat sheet, provided undeniable intangibles.

4 Stars: A strong performance that falls just short of the standards above.

3.5 Stars: Above average performance, perhaps stands out in one category or one aspect of the game.

3 Stars: Average performance. Also could be a very strong game in one aspect but a very poor game in another such as 15 points but seven turnovers. Could also be that the player played, did their job, but didn't do much spectacularly.

2 Stars: Below average performance, or we simply have higher expectations for the player on this particular night.

1 Star: Rare, but if a player has a stinker in all aspects.

5 Stars: Authentic red

Salsa roja in its freshest state is the clear winner of the salsa battle. Nothing better than destroying an entire basket of tortilla chips loaded with salsa casera before you even get to the meal that you ordered (that you’ll also destroy). I could eat salsa every day.

Despite the excellent win, no one was a five star.

4.5 Stars: Authentic green

This tomatillo based salsa is a very close second to the salsa roja. The roasted flavor of the chiles, tomatillos, and onions makes this a standout. Especially good when smothering an enormous burrito.

Hunter Dickinson was absolutely dominant in the paint in this one, and as we pointed out earlier in the week, games like these are essential if Kansas is going to make the run they think they’re capable of. The big guy finished with 20 points and seven rebounds but it could’ve been more. Imagine if Hunt starts knocking down threes again.

Dajuan Harris has been exactly what KU has needed over the last few games, steady and direct. His game was clean yet again against Texas, recording no turnovers but adding six assists and 14 points. He was very efficient as well making seven of eleven shots attempted.

4 Stars: Mole

Oh that deep, rich chocolatey flavor of a good mole. Que rico. While not a salsa in the American sense of the word, the direct translation is sauce so mole gets its rightful spot on this list.

KJ Adams was all over the place in this one, scoring 16 and grabbing eight rebounds. But the thing about KJ is his enthusiasm. Dude gets so pumped up for the biggest moments both for himself and his teammates that his energy is just contagious. It felt like others were trying to play up to his level of enthusiasm and for the most part, they did. What a player he is turning into.

The alley-oop dunk will get the headlines, but Nicolas Timberlake had a very nice all around game. I’m hesitant to say that this one will be his breakout as I’ve hoped and hoped and hoped for it previously and it hasn’t quite happened. I’m just going to let it slide into existence (hopefully) and we can go from there. He finished with 13 points, three rebounds, and two assists.

Another guy who was flying against Texas was Johnny Furphy. His eight overall rebounds and three offensive rebounds tied him with Adams for the team lead, but Furphy also made all three of his attempts from the floor, including a three. He did a lot of damage from the free throw line, making nine of eleven from the charity stripe.

3.5 Stars: Tabasco

Again, not a salsa so to speak, but we are mainly talking spicy here, and the classic Tabasco is a staple in many a kitchen and bar. Delicious on almost anything really.

The behind the back pass that Elmarko Jackson delivered to Hunter Dickinson was obviously a highlight reel moment, but Jackson has quietly grown in confidence over the last few weeks and put in another fine performance against Texas where he dished out four assists and only had two turnovers.

It was a nice game for Jamari McDowell. He nailed a three and ran down two offensive rebounds among other things. These are the types of performances that KU needs out of Jamari going forward.

3 Stars: Pico de Gallo

Delicious, but if you’re not a fan of raw onions and tomatoes, you’re probably rating this one a lot lower.

Parker Braun didn’t have a bad game at all, he just played far less than everyone else, and with Hunter dominating, there was no reason for PB to play more than seven minutes. His highlight was a block on one end followed by an attempted Tom Chambers style free throw jam that he was fouled on and somehow the ball dropped.

2 Stars: Pace Picante

Truly the bottom of the barrel when it comes to store bought salsas, but it certainly has its place.

No one was a two

1 Star: Those ultra hot hot sauces

These hot sauce companies are really wasting everyone’s time trying to make a sauce so hot that you can’t eat more than a drop. I’m here for flavor over pain, thank you very much.

Certainly, no one was a one in this one.

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Derek Noll
DEREK NOLL

An avid Jayhawks fan his entire life, Derek graduated from the University of Kansas in 1999 and has been writing about the Jayhawks since 2014, getting his start at Rock Chalk Talk.  He specializes in uniform analysis for basketball and football and offers a humorous take on player performances through Player Ratings posts.

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