KANSAS

Kansas vs Wichita State: Player Ratings to the Theme of Pizza Toppings

KU cruised so let's rate the players to an easy topic: pizza.

Derek Noll

Kansas vs Wichita State: Player Ratings to the Theme of Pizza Toppings
Kansas vs Wichita State: Player Ratings to the Theme of Pizza Toppings /
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Wichita, Kansas is the home to the original Pizza Hut restaurant, and we at Player Ratings Headquarters love to incorporate local history into the ratings. So, if you didn’t know that tasty fact, now you do. But regardless of your American pizza chain knowledge, the chances that you love pizza is high. But I do know this: we can’t always agree on what toppings to add to the pie. Maybe today’s ratings will help you, who knows? Skip ahead using the table of contents, but if you need them, here are the “rules”.

Contents

  1. 5 Stars: Pepperoni
  2. 4.5 Stars: Italian Sausage
  3. 4 Stars: Pineapple
  4. 3.5 Stars: Peppers
  5. 3 Stars: Mushrooms and Olives
  6. 2 Stars: Just cheese
  7. 1 Star: Anchovies/Seafood
  8. Chris Teahan Memorial No Star:

5 Stars: Out of this world performance. This is a hard to achieve rating and is only reserved for the most impressive or impressionable performances.

4.5 Stars: Very strong performance, packed the stat sheet, provided undeniable intangibles.

4 Stars: A strong performance that falls just short of the standards above.

3.5 Stars: Above average performance, perhaps stands out in one category or one aspect of the game.

3 Stars: Average performance. Also could be a very strong game in one aspect but a very poor game in another such as 15 points but seven turnovers. Could also be that the player played, did their job, but didn't do much spectacularly.

2 Stars: Below average performance, or we simply have higher expectations for the player on this particular night.

1 Star: Rare, but if a player has a stinker in all aspects.

Memorial No Star: Named after former KU walk-on Chris Teahan and is awarded to the player(s) who didn't have enough playing time to contribute or whose performance isn't worthy of a rating for another reason.

5 Stars: Pepperoni

The most popular pizza in America for a reason. Load up the pepperonis please.

No one was as great as a pepperoni pizza, buy hey, very little is.

4.5 Stars: Italian Sausage

This topping is so close to a five star. Bonus points if the pizza parlor makes their own Italian sausage or gets their Italian sausage from a local butcher.

KJ Adams had an excellent all around game, punctuated by a trampoline bounce dunk that drew gasps from the announcing crew. KJ was solid on both sides of the ball in this one, scoring nine points on 50% shooting and snagged eleven rebounds, eight on the defensive end. Adams also contributed five assists in a very complete game.

4 Stars: Pineapple

Let the controversy begin. People either love pineapples on their pizza or they detest it and I can’t understand why. If you like pineapples in other formats (and you probably do!) then how come you don’t like it on a pizza? I’ll take your silence as you being wrong. Pineapples are delicious everywhere.

Hunter Dickinson was getting everything he wanted throughout pretty much the entire game and if it wasn’t for a long stretch in the first half when the shots just wouldn’t fall, he’d have had close to thirty in this one. As it stands, Hunter finished with 22 points, 13 rebounds, and four assists.

Dajuan Harris’s two early three pointers got KU off to a nice start when no one else could make anything, but he didn’t score any more after that. Luckily, he didn’t need to. The Columbia, Missouri point guard added nine assists in this one while only turning it over twice.

Kevin McCullar continued his torrid scoring pace, adding another twenty in this one. Sure, he got ten of those from the charity stripe, but seeing as he’s the only one that routinely tries to get into positions to get fouled, Jayhawk fans will take it.

Elmarko Jackson is starting to show signs of what he can become as a Jayhawk. His spurt in the first half where he scored seven in a row for Kansas was one of the most impressive runs in his young Kansas career. The initial twisting layup was the best of the bunch, but the rim rattling dunk and made three from the wing are a close second and third. Elmarko finished with 12 on the evening, a great sign for KU fans.

3.5 Stars: Peppers

Green peppers? Yes. Roasted red peppers? Yessir. Jalapeños? Every time. Come to think of it, should peppers have been higher? Maybe!

Johnny Furphy missed too many threes to be rated any higher, but a solid seven point performance after quite a bit of recent plane travel in his return is fine.

3 Stars: Mushrooms and Olives

These are the three stars because you either love them on a pizza or you want nothing to do with them. For the record, give me green olives over black every single time.

Parker Braun seems to get at least a basket and a block in his few minutes each game. Against Wichita State, he scored twice and blocked another shot.

Jamari McDowell made all four of his free throws and finished with six points in limited minutes.

2 Stars: Just cheese

Hey, if you’re a child, I understand this choice. I also understand the five cheese or quatro formaggi or whatever fancy all cheese pizza you may choose. But if you’re an adult and only get mozzarella cheese on your pizza, I don’t think I can trust you completely.

After a semi-breakout game against Yale, Nicolas Timberlake was back to missing everything. He was zero for five from the floor which included missing all four three point attempts and he’s lucky he’s not the season’s first one star. Add in three personal fouls in limited minutes, and he’s really lucky. If this game were close, he’d be a one.

1 Star: Anchovies/Seafood

Listen, I like these on my pizza, but I realize the majority of you do not. I recently had octopus on a pizza (with capers, olives, and garlic) for the first time and it was a revelation. I ate this in Croatia, and it was fabulous. You might not want to try it in Topeka is what I’m saying.

No one was a one star.

Chris Teahan Memorial No Star:

It’s been a while since the walk-ons have gotten any time, but each of Michael Jankovich, Wilder Evers, Dillon Wilhite, and Patrick Cassidy got a minute of game time, enough to miss all the shots they attempted.

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Derek Noll
DEREK NOLL

An avid Jayhawks fan his entire life, Derek graduated from the University of Kansas in 1999 and has been writing about the Jayhawks since 2014, getting his start at Rock Chalk Talk.  He specializes in uniform analysis for basketball and football and offers a humorous take on player performances through Player Ratings posts.

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