Notre Dame vs USC Could Have Happened In Die Hard. Here's How.

Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? Yes, and Notre Dame vs USC could have happened in a key scene. Here's how.

Oct 24, 1987, South Bend, IN, USA; FILE PHOTO; Notre Dame Fighting Irish receiver Tim Brown (81) returns a punt against the Southern California Trojans at Notre Dame Stadium during the 1987 season. Mandatory Credit: Malcolm Emmons-Imagn Images / Malcolm Emmons-Imagn Images

Could a man drop over 30 feet through an elevator shaft and catch himself by his fingertips? Yes. We all saw John McClane do it.

Could gas really be 74 cents a gallon - 77 cents for unleaded - in Century City, California? In 1987, yeah.

Could USC and Notre Dame play twice in a season before the College Football Playoff era?

From the concept of sitting on a beach earning 20% on anything, to not simply cutting the power source themselves to break the magnetic seal - like anyone who’s seen an Oceans movie knows how to do - to the idea of a Fortune 500 corporation holding a holiday party on Christmas Eve, there’s a whole lot about Die Hard that stretches the limits of believability.

But we have to accept it because, you know, it’s Die Hard - the greatest Christmas movie of all-time.

(I have the bona fides on this one. I saw it in the summer of 1988 with a friend in a “Whoooooah!” bonding moment that holds to this day, and took a date to see it again a week later.)

I guess that settles it. Die Hard is the greatest Christmas story ever told! pic.twitter.com/PV772Peu2W

— Rotten Tomatoes (@RottenTomatoes) December 18, 2018

Forgetting all the physics issues, shot angle inconsistencies on gunfire shots and missile launches out of windows from lower floors, the ability to outleap C4 fireball explosions, and that I actually went on a date in 1987 …

Absolutely nothing in Die Hard is more implausible than Notre Dame and USC playing in a bowl game on Christmas Eve.

It’s an own-goal script misfire that could’ve easily been avoided, but was a must for Eddie - the Huey Lewis-looking faux security guard - to comment about how he had 50 bucks on the Trojans as part of the all-is-normal facade to Sgt. Powell.

The script could’ve put UCLA vs Florida in the Aloha Bowl - more on why this matters in a bit - and only the biggest of wack jobs like me would’ve pointed out that there weren’t any bowl games on Christmas Eve in 1987.

But it’s USC vs Notre Dame in Die Hard, so it happened, and I’m going to make it believable.

If you’re willing to buy that an exhausted New York City police officer could lay a finger on Alexander Godunov in a fight, much less kick his butt, then I’ll sell you Irish-Trojans, Part 2.

Work with me.

Yes, Notre Dame and USC in a bowl game is a rematch

First, we’re talking 1987 here, not 1988.

Die Hard came out in the summer before the football season happened so no. There’s absolutely no chance Eddie is watching a rematch of the epic battle of 10-0 teams in the Irish’s run for the 1988 national title.

In 1987, though, Notre Dame beat USC 26-15 in mid-October. USC went on a four-game winning run after that, and the Irish went 3-2. There was a long enough time lapse, and the two teams were just below the elite enough, for a rematch to be okay, but …

USC was the Pac-10 Champion

Here’s where we hit a snag, but I’ve got the rewrite.

In reality, USC beat UCLA 17-13 and both teams finished 7-1 in conference play. USC went to the Rose Bowl and lost to Michigan State. UCLA went to the Aloha Bowl and beat Florida.

However, even after the Trojan win, the AP still ranked UCLA 10 and USC 16, and the Coaches Poll had the Bruins 10 and Trojans 17.

Look, in the moment you totally forgot that McClane saw Gruber several times before the climactic scene - of course he wasn’t going to give Bill Clay a loaded gun - so blow off what you think you know and go with my version …

USC vs Notre Dame in the 1987 Aloha Bowl

In my Die Hard world, the Pac-10 chose to put 9-2 UCLA in the Rose Bowl over 8-3 USC, because the conference powers-that-be believed the Bruins had a better shot of beating Michigan State.

More importantly, ABC wanted to steal Notre Dame and Heisman-winner Tim Brown from CBS and the Cotton Bowl vs Texas A&M - which, in reality, was a blowout Aggie win - and take USC away from NBC and the Rose Bowl.

After a whole slew of backchannel deals - remember, everyone, this is my fictional version - ABC was able to secure the Irish and Trojans in the Aloha Bowl and change the game from Christmas Day to a Thursday night Christmas Eve slot to battle NBC’s powerhouse lineup of The Cosby Show, Family Ties, and Cheers.



This date change also settled down a cheesed-off CBS by allowing its John Hancock Sun Bowl between West Virginia and Oklahoma State to be the only bowl game on Christmas Day.

And because it’s played in Honolulu, the game is sunny when it’s on TV even though it’s night and dark out in Los Angeles when Eddie is watching.

And the 1987 USC vs Notre Dame Die Hard rematch final score would be …

Notre Dame 24, USC 20.

Rising star USC QB Rodney Peete threw two touchdown passes, but the Irish defense held time and again in the red zone. Quin Rodriguez hit two field goals for the Trojans, but it wasn’t enough.

The Irish rushing combination of Mark Green and Ricky Watters controlled the game early, but it was Anthony Johnson who came through with two short touchdown runs and Tim Brown took took a kickoff down to the five leading to a Terry Adrysiak quarterback sneak for what would be the game-winning score.

And then Holly McClane punched Dick Thornburg in the face.

Happy holidays, everyone.

- Fiu Bluesky | Fiu X