TCU Football - Dear Opponent - Primary Objections

Every week, KillerFrogs writes a heartfelt letter to their football opponent, and On SI's SI is here for the roast. This week the Frogs will be hosting the Arizona Wildcats at the Carter

Nov 15, 2024; Tucson, Arizona, USA; Houston Cougars wide receiver Joseph Manjack IV (0) catches the balls during the fourth quarter against the Arizona Wildcats at Arizona Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Aryanna Frank-Imagn Images / Aryanna Frank-Imagn Images

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing you this evening over a pint of Guinness (or two, two hours ago--who's counting?) and a pack of cigarettes in a state of utter confusion.

I was tempted to address you as The Cardinals, as I understand there is a sports team in Arizona called the Cardinals. That makes sense. What makes less sense is Google's continued insistence that the team we are to play this Saturday goes by the moniker "The Wildcats." Now, this simply will not do, as there is already a team in the Big 12 called the Wildcats--trust me, I know, I punned once on their name in the most harmless way, and there are some of literal sensibilities and less literary bents who will not let me live that one down, to which I can only assert that any football team that prides themselves on being "cats" is hardly in a position to protest when a writer with a sense of humor, and less piety, discovers to his ironic joy that a pejorative synonym has been so benevolently bestowed upon him, ready to hand.

So, I simply refuse to refer to you as cats of any kind. Indeed, following that letter two years back I sent to Kansas State, I'll never refer to cats again. You need a new mascot.

But on that note, I do wonder, what exact wildcat do you claim to be to differentiate yourselves from Kansas State? As for Kansas State, they also never bothered to clarify whether they modeled themselves after the lynx, or the bobcat, the leopard or the jaguar, to name a few. And you, are you a lion, a tiger, or (in the event your taxonomy is confused) a bear? I'll admit any of those at random is, at first blush, more frightening than the lowly Horned Frog, but at least with our spirit animal, you know one when you see it. You and Kansas State are doing the equivalent of parading around as the primates, and you'll have to pardon me if I find that to be far too general a label, and either way, certainly one team of Primates is enough?

As for your mighty state of Arizona. I spent a delightful weekend there two years back when we were invited to the something-something Bowl, whatever Bowl takes place in Arizona. We played a team from up north. And we won. That was nice.

I look forward to our hosting you fine folk, whatever kind of cat you claim to be -- hey, it's 2024! -- at the Carter this Saturday. Good news for you, this season has not been among our best. If it were any more dead, you could bury it. Another addition to the pet sematary, if you know what I mean.

Best of luck,

SI

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