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Let Mark Richt explain how to very methodically eat a sandwich in 10 bites

Coaches really diagram everything, huh?

Dan Gartland

Let Mark Richt explain how to very methodically eat a sandwich in 10 bites
Let Mark Richt explain how to very methodically eat a sandwich in 10 bites /

College football media days are largely useless affairs but Miami coach Mark Richt offered up some truly illuminating information on Friday. 

No, Richt hasn’t named a starting quarterback yet. He did, however, get deep into the X’s and O’s of eating a sandwich. And, because, he’s a football coach, he used a diagram to illustrate his point. 

Look, this is theoretically the correct way to eat a square sandwich on sliced bread, as much as there is a correct way. (It prevents you from ending up with nothing but crust at the end.) But the obvious question is why? Can you even enjoy a sandwich if you’ve reduced its consumption to a cold, calculated science?

I just picture Richt sitting at a table with both feet planted squarely on the floor, elbows parallel to the table as he stares straight ahead and matter-of-factly ingests precisely three slices of ham and one slice of American cheese between two slices of white bread. Then he wipes his mouth with robotic precision and goes out to lose to Notre Dame. 

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Dan Gartland
DAN GARTLAND

Dan Gartland is the writer and editor of Sports Illustrated’s flagship daily newsletter, SI:AM, covering everything an educated sports fan needs to know. He joined the SI staff in 2014, having previously been published on Deadspin and Slate. Gartland, a graduate of Fordham University, is a former Sports Jeopardy! champion (Season 1, Episode 5).

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