A Song of Ice and Powerbombs: How WWE Superstars Match Up With Their Game of Thrones Counterparts

Romance, betrayal, heavily promoted one-on-one bloodbaths, weddings gone to hell, and even dragons: yes, millions of viewers tune in each week to watch the

Romance, betrayal, heavily promoted one-on-one bloodbaths, weddings gone to hell, and even dragons: yes, millions of viewers tune in each week to watch the soap-opera dramatics and choreographed violence of WWE Raw. Or Game of Thrones. In both worlds, the strong destroy the weak, alliances are crucial, and a dwarf may steal the show (depending on what program you’re watching, this would be either Peter Dinklage or the Mexican luchador El Torito).

Exchanging boiled leather and swords for spandex and steel chairs, wrestling superstars have much in common with the characters in George R. R. Martin’s scripted world. Here are the warriors (along with their Thrones counterparts) that rule the ring in WWE. As Stephanie “Cersei” McMahon would say, “When you play the game of thrones, you win, or you get future endeavored.”

The Iron Throne

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The Wardens of the West are The Authority. As Tywin Lannister rules Westeros with a golden fist, the villainous Vince McMahon ruthlessly destroys all opposition within the WWE Universe. Tywin and Vince retain total control of their worlds behind the scenes, delivering swift retribution to those who challenge them. Witness Tywin smile as he decrees death upon his own son after a proxy trial-by-combat, and his common-tongue pronouncement translates seamlessly into Vince’s favorite workplace dictum. Due to the high cost of expanding their jurisdictions, both men have recently fallen into financial troubles (Tywin due to debts owed to the Iron Bank of Braavos, Vince due to his shares of plummeting WWE stock). Despite these setbacks, the smallfolk (Westerosi commoners and WWE fans) know that Vince and Tywin are the big bosses, and will stop at nothing to further their families’ legacies. When the fighting’s over and their music hits, there’s no difference between “Rains of Castamere” and this victory song.

Cersei Lannister is Stephanie McMahon, the power-hungry queen of the Westeros. She delights in tormenting her foes, including Brie Bella (Margaery Tyrell), an innocent who, through marriage, becomes a target of Stephanie’s vindictiveness. Much as Cersei sees herself as Tywin’s only true son and plots against her own brother for political gain, Stephanie competes against Vince’s other offspring, Shane, for administrative control over Raw’s direction. Both ladies wield considerable executive power -- Cersei as Queen Regent of the Seven Kingdoms and Stephanie as WWE’s Chief Brand Officer.

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Jaime Lannister is Triple H, the golden-haired golden boy disliked by many but respected by all. Through brilliant in battle, he and Jaime suffer physical maladies (quadriceps/hand) that continually hamper their fighting abilities. They possess official duties related to guarding their clans’ interests, although Triple H’s familial ties seem stronger than Jaime’s at the moment. Much like Cersei and Jaime’s relationship, his marriage to Stephanie has elicited plenty of scorn and controversy. Triple H and Jaime’s self-serving ways (as documented here and here) take a sledgehammer to any goodwill they may have built with the smallfolk.

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Rounding out the family and their closest associates, Kevan Lannister is Linda McMahon, a longtime confidante of Tywin/Vince who is rarely seen but presumed to be completing bureaucratic work elsewhere in the realm. Former Lord of Casterly Rock Tytos Lannister is Vince McMahon, Sr., the former World Wrestling Federation owner who built the enterprise into a regional powerhouse before selling the company to his younger namesake Vince in 1982. Although renowned in their own rights, the works of Tytos and Vince Sr. pale in comparison to the glories their sons achieve through ruthless ambition. Tommen Baratheon is Brad Maddox, an immature pushover whose ostensible power serves as a front for the ruling family’s grand designs. Lastly, Joffrey Baratheon is Batista, the McMahons’ chosen representative for their family legacy (of promoting hulking musclemen as their standard-bearers). Both Joffrey and “Boo-tista”, as nicknamed by derisive WWE crowds, possess mean streaks and are uniformly hated by the smallfolk for their ineptitude. They have been handed their world’s highest honors (the Iron Throne and a WrestleMania main event slot) while doing nothing to deserve them.

Heroes

Tyrion Lannister is CM Punk. The anti-establishment fan favorites of GoT and WWE, Tyrion and Punk represent the best of their realms despite receiving no love from Tywin/Vince. These men have carried chips on their shoulders since a young age, serving as constant targets of the ruling families and overcoming the obstacles set against them time and again. Their biting remarks and prickly natures somehow draw fans to them – hell, Punk’s own Twitter account proclaims him a “Sociopathic straight edge atheist jerk.” Both men demonstrate their greatness not only through winning huge battles, but via unforgettable monologues bashing their respective figureheads (Tyrion through his murder trial declaration, and Punk with his controversial 2011 “pipebomb” diatribe on Raw). And as Tyrion is now persona non grata with Tywin and Cersei, Punk is taking his own sabbatical from WWE due to issues with the Authority. Fans in both realms are hoping they haven’t seen the last of these antiheroes.

Daenerys Targaryen is Daniel Bryan. The Mother of Dragons and the leader of the “Yes!” Movement are much-loved babyfaces who overcome various humiliations in their journeys to the throne. Daenerys is lightly regarded by opponents because she is a young woman, while Bryan gets disrespected due to his slight build in a world of leviathans. Both provoke rapturousresponses from their followers, and win numerous smaller victories that seem to serve as steppingstones for their eventual climb to absolute power. Like the Khaleesi, Bryan spends a ridiculous amount of time in the desert as an uncrowned champion, thriving in seemingly impossible circumstances en route to becoming the current WWE World Heavyweight titleholder. Daenerys and Bryan both endure a grueling rise to power that seems as interminable as it is inevitable.

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Sansa Stark is John Cena. Both are immensely valuable in their worlds; Cena is WWE’s most marketable wrestler and Sansa is the key to control of the North, a region larger than the other six kingdoms combined. They repeatedly face their domain’s most despicable villains, and somehow survive under the worst circumstances. Yet both suffer from blandness and an inability to command interest unless pitted against more intriguing foes, and negative fan reactions have forced them to embrace the hate. Fans continue to wait impatiently for Sansa and Cena to show some much-needed shades of gray.

Jon Snow is Dolph Ziggler, a young man who overcame a low birth (Snow is a bastard, while Ziggler toiled on the Spirit Squad, a stable of male cheerleaders) to achieve great victories. Ziggler has persevered through a horrible name, horrible gimmicks, and horrible booking (last month, he wrestled an opponent wearing a Magneto costume) to become one of WWE’s most respected in-ring performers. Crowds have lately taken to chanting “We want Ziggler” during televised segments in which he does not appear, a brazen way of telling WWE to promote him more strongly. Both Ziggler and Snow are winning strong support for their skills and work ethic (Ziggler from fans of workrate, Snow from his Night’s Watch brothers after the successful raid on Craster’s Keep), foreshadowing bigger things for them in the future.

Brienneof Tarth is Sheamus, a fierce fighter who overwhelms opponents with a remarkable blend of size, speed, and strength. Born of islands before heading to the mainland to stake their claims, both warriors were originally ridiculed by the smallfolk for their singular appearances (Brienne for her statuesque stature, Sheamus for his complete lack of skin pigmentation). But what once brought them catcalls now earns them prestige: Brienne has won great favor through her combat skills, while Sheamus makes money off t-shirts emblazoned with his “Great White” moniker. Both have benefitted from their friendships with Jaime Lannister/Triple H.

Ned Stark is Bret “Hitman” Hart, a hero of high birth whose outdated values of nobility and trust lead to his demise. Hart is a five-time WWE champion who was infamously betrayed by Vince McMahon at the 1997 Survivor Series. McMahon disregarded the agreed-upon ending of Hart’s WWE title match, much as Joffrey disregarded the agreed-upon ending of Ned’s trial. Standing at ringside, McMahon ordered the match’s referee (Earl Hebner, playing the part of executioner Ilyn Payne) to ring the bell and claim that Hart quit. While Hart did not lose his head in the process, the “Montreal Screwjob” led to a decade of feuding between WWE and the wrestler who served as their top star for much of the 1990s.

A similar incident took place in the 1980s, as Wendi Richter lost her WWE women’s championship when McMahon double-crossed her and changed the ending to her title defense. Richter appeared as shocked after her pinfall loss as Catelyn Stark looked when the wedding band switched tunes; her opponent, the Fabulous Moolah (working under a mask as the mysterious Spider Lady), conspired as an equally geriatric Walder Frey.

Arya Stark is AJ Lee. Don’t let their diminutive size fool you: these young ladies are killers. As Arya slices and dices her way home through Westeros, AJ beat every competitor thrown at her during the last year, holding the WWE Divas Championship for nearly 300 days until losing the title one day after this year’s WrestleMania 30. Just as vengeful as the younger Stark daughter, Lee has instigated blood feuds with several WWE superstars (you can imagine her mouthing the names, “John Cena, CM Punk, Daniel Bryan …” just as Arya recites her personal kill-list before bed). Both ladies have interesting chemistry with the Hound/Kane; these relationships were altered after those warriors realized that their female counterparts may be crazier than they are. As AJ hasn’t appeared on WWE television since losing her title, both women have flown off the radar of the powers that be in their respective universes.

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Samwell Tarly is Rey Mysterio, an endearing underdog who thrives on overcoming the odds. Both men struggle with impediments caused by their size (Tarly suffers from rotundity, while Mysterio is generously listed as 5’6” and 175 lbs on WWE’s website), leading to constant mockery from their peers. Neither man looks like he should even be in a fight, but both have intangibles and pure-hearted intentions that serve them well. Tarly earns respect from his peers by killing a white walker, while Mysterio outwrestles his detractors to become a three-time world champion. Curiously, both have helped raised another man’s biological son; so far, this is much less embarrassing for Tarly.

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Olenna Tyrell is Mae Young, a saucy lady of a certain age. Despite getting on in years, both women are far more dangerous than they appear. A fiery competitor who wrestled primarily in the 1940s and 50s, Mae remained a player in WWE well into the 21st century, winning her final match at age 87 in 2010. Similarly, Olenna exerts considerable pull in King’s Landing even at an advanced age. Both ladies are known for taking the initiative with men, making sexual advances on men of great power (Olenna on an unwitting Lord Tywin, Mae on former Olympic weightlifter Mark Henry). And both ladies are beloved for their comic relief, whether it’s Olenna throwing her verbal barbs at the slow-witted or Mae enduring multiple senior-citizen pregnancies to give birth to Baby New Year and a hand. Yes, a hand. Sadly, Mae passed away earlier this year, robbing the WWE Universe of their beloved Grand Dame. Here’s hoping Olenna keeps provoking mayhem in Westeros for years to come.

Robb Stark is Jeff Jarrett. Fueled by a grudge against the ruling house, both men marshal opposing forces – in Jarrett’s case, Total Nonstop Action Wrestling, also cringingly referred to as TNA – to go head-to-head with their enemies. While exhibiting early promise, Robb and Jarrett fail as leaders of men, unable to balance competing interests and their own personal desires while running their enterprises. And unfortunately, both of their wives get uncomfortably involved in their official business. Their individual campaigns have been routed, although the Red Wedding is still less painful to watch than most TNA telecasts.

Daario Naharis and Barristan Selmy are the Brotherhood (Cody Rhodes and Goldust). An excess of extroversion marks Daario and Rhodes, who once spent an entire television segment fawning over his own good lucks and concluded by repeating his mantra of “Dashing Cody Rhodes”. Rhodes’ former practice of providing paper bags for less pulchritudinous fans to wear at ringside was about as ostentatious as Daario’s bag-of-heads presentation to Daenerys. His real-life brother Goldust parallels Selmy, a forgotten graybeard from another time who makes a triumphant return to action. Both men are remarkably quick and skilled for their ages, and serve as venerable advisors within their camps. While the Brotherhood has achieved notable success by winning the WWE Tag Team Championship last year, their basic differences in temperament (Daario/Cody’s impetuousness vs. Barristan/Goldust’s stolidness) and maturity seem to mark both teams for an acrimonious breakup.

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Hodor is the Great Khali. These linguallylimited giants tower over prospective foes, yet their simple natures lead them to walk the path of goodness. Their lack of mobility and killer instinct doom them to certain defeat, however, when matched against more cunning, vicious opponents. Neither man is a threat to others unless being coerced by another person (Bran Starkfor Hodor, evil wrestler Jinder Mahal for Khali).

Maester Aemon is “Classy” Freddie Blassie, a wizened sage revered for his unsurpassed longevity. He brings inspiration and decades of wisdom to his people. Just as Jon Snow could not fathom that Aemon is the son of a king and the last living Targaryen in Westeros, younger WWE fans could not comprehend that the wheelchair-bound geezer spouting time-tested catchphrases was once called “the worst villain since Hitler” by exalted sportswriter Jim Murray.

Villains

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Stannis Baratheon is Randy Orton, a capable competitor with a legitimate claim to the crown. Stannis was the rightful heir to the throne after his brother’s death, and Orton never received his WWE World Heavyweight Championship rematch after losing the title at this year’s Wrestlemania 30. Both men are hamstrung, however, by a lack of charisma and likeability. Their monotone voices and humorless personalities lead to little popular support for their causes.

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Petyr Baelish is Edge, the ultimate opportunist. Staring at mid-level careers of little repute, both men do whatever it takes to reach the top. Baelish and Edge climb the ladder by disregarding antiquated concepts of honor and executing strategies that destroy unsuspecting enemies (neither John Cena or Jon Arryn ever saw it coming). And both rise to power by exploiting the help of influential women. Edge teams with Lita (much as Baelish utilizes Sansa Stark) to carry out calculated plans, and pretends to love WWE Smackdown! general manager Vickie Guerrero (Lysa Arryn) to gain advantage from her influence. Edge’s split with Vickie climaxed with the Rated-R Superstar dumping his sugar mama out of a wheelchair; this act of cruelty looks positively humanistic compared with Lord Baelish’s break-up technique. These two power-mongering scoundrels are as much fun to watch as they are to hate.

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Varys is Paul Heyman, a master manipulator who plays both sides of every conflict to get ahead. Both men tell all parties exactly what they want to hear, especially when their hides are on the line. Varys and Heyman are trusted by no one, yet are viewed as vital allies and contributors of intelligence by their compatriots. Viewers long for these bald-faced (and bald) deceivers’ schemes to catch up with them, possibly through life-changing physical comeuppances.

Ramsay Bolton is Bray Wyatt, a sociopathic sadist. These demented lunatics are second-generation competitors (Wyatt’s father was the brawling taxmanIrwin R. Schyster, the snooty spitting image of Iron Bank representative Tycho Nestoris) feared for their brutality. They utilize mind control over their subjects, leading these men to do their bidding and wreak havoc upon their landscapes.And strangely enough, both men have a gift for vocal melody. Wyatt often leads arena crowds in his creepy a cappella version of “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”, while Bolton’s alter ego (actor Iwan Rheon) has earned critical praise for his 2011 EP Changing Times.

Theon Greyjoy is the Miz, a cocky upstart who falls, rises, then falls again much harder.Both were initially disregarded by their peers as soft - Theon for growing up as Ned Stark’s ward/hostage, and Miz for parlaying his reality-show exposure on MTV’s The Real World into a pro wrestling career. Eager to prove their worth, Theon takes Winterfell with a contingent of ironborn, and Miz wins the WWE Championship by beating Orton. These accomplishments were not enough, however, to impress their overlords in the Iron Islands and WWE Headquarters, and Theon and Miz have lost not only their prized possessions, but also any semblance of respect from relevant powerbrokers. Both men have been effectively castrated in the last year (Miz by WWE’s refusal to push him or even clarify whether he is a good or bad guy, and Theon, well, literally). Miz and Theon have now been sentenced to their own purgatories. While Theon is renamed Reek and suffers as a guinea pig in Ramsay’s demented psychological experiments, Miz is condemned to host preview shows for WWE pay-per-view events on which he never wrestles.

Melisandre is Paul Bearer, a ghoulish counselor who relies on a great warrior to fulfill an unsavory agenda. Both can boast of a symbiotic, higher-level connection with their charges, and possess “supernatural” abilities that increasingly appear to be smoke-and-mirrors tactics. Melisandre and Bearer guide their protégés with totemic symbols (the sword Lightbringer and a sacred urn), and attempt to destroy their enemies in gruesome fashion.

Viserys Targaryen is Drew McIntyre, a would-be king turned prelim bum. Just as Viserys expected to be crowned king in a restored Targaryen dynasty, McIntyre was introduced by none other than Vince McMahon as WWE’s “chosen one”, the future of the franchise. Poor politicking and a lack of faith from relevant powerbrokers brought down both men. McIntyre could seen losing each week on Raw as part of 3MB, a trio of deluded “rock stars” who thrash air guitars and bellow obnoxiously at disinterested fans, before the WWE finally put him out of his misery by releasing him. It’s a more protracted, shameful manner of career death than Viserys endured.

Robin Arryn is Bo Dallas. These long-haired brunettes are allowed to indulge their most childish impulses, laboring under delusions that they possess far more influence than they actually wield. Also, they are the most insufferable, face-punchable wusses in their entire kingdoms. As a faux white-bread babyface who implores fans to “Bo-lieve”, Dallas grows more irritating each week. He is now introduced as the “inspirational Bo Dallas”, and greets the crowd’s boos with a shit-eating grin before Tebow-ing inside the ring. Robin and Dallas make cloying, insipid comments during every televised appearance, possessing zero awareness of how hated they are. Raw’s viewing audience could increase tenfold if Vince McMahon enticed viewers with the weekly hope of seeing Dallas flung through a moon door.

Tweeners

Gregor and Sandor Clegane are Undertaker and Kane. Both pairs are true brothers of destruction who sow fear and devastation throughout the land. These tandems feature monstrous older brothers who burned and mutilated their younger siblings’ faces when they were children. Gregor and Undertaker are the most renowned brawlers in their worlds, boasting incredible fighting abilities as well as badass nicknames (the Mountain and the Phenom, respectively). And in both GoT and WWE, the younger brothers themselves grow into murderous brutes who thrive on revenge fantasies, and who will even fight for their respective Authority when conditions are right.

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Oberyn Martell, a.k.a the Red Viper, is Shawn Michaels, a.k.a. the Heartbreak Kid. These flashy, flamboyant fighters earn the public’s love with their brash attitudes and acrobatic styles. And their raven-haired paramours (Ellaria Sand and WWE Hall of Famer Sherri Martel) don’t take crap from anyone, complementing their boy toys’ personas flawlessly. An obsession with revenge leads to both men’s downfall. Like Prince Oberyn, Michaels became infatuated with beating his arch nemesis (Gregor Clegane/Undertaker), agreeing to put his own career on the line in 2010 if he lost a Wrestlemania rematch to the Phenom. His subsequent defeat ended his wrestling career; at least it didn’t result in an exploded skull.

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Ygritte is Lita, a wild redhead who isn’t afraid to tangle with the boys. These ladies were trained across the border – Ygritte learned combat north of the wall, while Lita received wrestling training in Mexico. Both women possess a devil-may-care attitude and have no issues throwing down against the know-nothing males in their lives. They are physically aggressive in multiple senses, as Ygritte demonstrates on Jon Snow in a cave beyond-the-wall, and Lita shows the Raw world during her memorable “live sex celebration” on Raw after her partner Edge wins the world title.

Jorah Mormont is Jake “the Snake” Roberts, a repeat offender always on the verge of blowing his last chance. Formerly men of noble standing, both warriors have been exiled from their homelands for disgraceful actions (Jorah attempted to sell poachers into slavery, while Jake struggled with substance abuse issues that have spiraled into televised train-wrecks in several wrestling organizations). Both men are valued for their strategic prowess and battlefield expertise. Jake is now enjoying a personal renaissance that included an in-ring return to Raw earlier this year, and Jorah helps the Stormborn freedom fighters liberate Slaver’s Bay. Game of Thrones and WWE fans alike are pulling for these two to find the redemption they have long sought. Update: As of press time, Jorah has been “future endeavored” by Daenerys for spying on behalf of the Baratheon regime.

The Brotherhood without Banners is the Shield. Both groups survive in the hinterlands of their respective worlds, attacking their enemies out of nowhere (the Brotherhood emerging from the woods, the Shield from arena crowds) before beating hasty retreats back into the shadows. And as Beric Dondarrion is routinely brought back from the dead via the Lord of Light, the three members of the Shield (Dean Ambrose, Roman Reigns, and Seth Rollins) seem to absorb a career-ending evisceration at least once a month from their enemies before returning the next week as if nothing at all happened. Both stables are beloved by the smallfolk, but as they transition from serving others (Ned Stark/the Authority) to serving themselves, neither has made their ultimate plans clear. Update: As of press time, Rollins turned against his fellow bannermen, transforming a joyous occasion (the Shield’s dismantling of Evolution at WWE Payback) into a tragedy and joining forces with the Authority. Consider him Roose Bolton with much better hair.

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Dontos Hollard is Santino Marella, the court’s fool. Both jesters are kept around in case the king needs a good laugh (as seen in years of McMahon-approved “comedy” segments starring Santino). They received their current assignments after falling from grace as serious competitors; Dontos was a knight, Santino a plucky Intercontinental Champion. Given the circumstances leading to them taking their jester’s hats, however, both are probably fortunate to have any position at all within their kingdoms. Santino mangles the English language, sports a unibrow, speed-walks to the ring, and attempts to finish off opponents with the “cobra,” which involves placing a snake-like sock puppet on his arm and tapping his foe with a karate chop so phony even Dolemite would call shenanigans. His losses usually take about as long as Ser Dontos’ “retirement match” against the crossbow.

Khal Drogo is Big Show, a bearded behemoth who conquered his realm but could not stay on top. So physically imposing that he was originally billed as Andre the Giant’s son, Big Show beat Hulk Hogan in his very first professional wrestling match. He won the WWE World Championship at age 27 and looked set to rule the company for the next decade. Much like Drogo after he became Khal of the Dothraki people, however, Show failed to sustain his success. He received a demotion to Ohio Valley Wrestling (WWE’s developmental territory) to improve his fitness, and later left WWE for over a year to recuperate from injury. Drogo wasn’t so lucky in recovering from his combat wounds. Neither man ever truly capitalized on their potential to reign over their lands.

Bronn is Brock Lesnar, a mercenary sellsword. Both are fearsome warriors paid handsomely for their services. Bronn and Brock are perfectly happy, however, to stay home and avoid the fray if the risk-reward factor is too low. Neither man can be accused of competing heroically. Lesnar relies on heaping amounts of interference from manager Paul Heyman, while Bronn uses questionable tactics to defeat Ser Vardis Egen in a trial-by-combat. At least Bronn’s justification for his skullduggery is wittier than anything Lesnar ever said.

Mance Rayder is Eric Bischoff, the king beyond the wall. As President of World Championship Wrestling (WCW), WWE’s main competitor, Bischoff rallies an opposing force to put the McMahons out of business. Both he and Rayder assemble motley armies of giants and craft master plans to overwhelm the Night’s Watch/WWE. Their collections of talent are quite impressive, but a lack of discipline in their operations begs the question of whether anyone is actually in charge here, and seems likely to thwart both of their efforts. After WCW’s dissolution, Bischoff is embraced by McMahon and hired as general manager of Raw. This partnership ends as well as any joint venture between crows and free folk could be expected to conclude.

And the rest...

Davos Seaworth is “Good Ol’ JR” Jim Ross, a talented advisor perpetually threatened with banishment by an unappreciative boss. Davos and JR overcome physical impediments to serve their higher-ups faithfully, providing a conscientious focus for a ruler that appears to have lost his moral compass. Their inexplicable loyalty and tolerance of their bosses’ wicked actions lead viewers to wonder how much longer they can put up with this garbage.

Jeor Mormont is Jerry Lawler. Though past their physical primes, both men can still hold their own in a fight. Though nobles in their home territories, the Lord Commander and the King have accepted positions that brought them north into consolidated enterprises. Both men have exceedingly disappointing sons.

Maester Luwin is Gorilla Monsoon, an avuncular figure who provided important counsel for his ruler. Both men are missed for their kindness, compassion, and medical knowledge.

Alliser Thorne is JBL, a bully known to abuse newcomers.

Grand Maester Pycelle is former WWE color commentator Lord Alfred Hayes, an elderly, stammering stooge who loyally serves his kingdom’s ruler (without actually serving any useful purpose) for many years. Both men are targets of cruel acts featuring varying degrees of creativity.

Aegon the Conqueror is Bruno Sammartino. Both men achieved immortal status in their lands through incredible accomplishments; Aegon unified six of Westeros’ seven kingdoms and forged the Iron Throne, while Sammartino once held WWE’s world championship for a record-setting tenure of nearly eight consecutive years.

Baelor the Blessed is Bob Backlund; both are former rulers remembered for being almost fanatically pious and clean-cut.

Brandon the Builder is “Stone Cold” Steve Austin, a king in his time who constructed the Attitude Era (while demolishing everything in his way).

Lann the Clever is “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, a prankish rogue who peerlessly outwitted foes.

Artys Arryn is The Rock, the superhuman star of numerous epic tales that would play well as Hollywood blockbusters.

Robert Baratheon and Rhaegar Targaryen are Hulk Hogan and “Macho Man” Randy Savage. Their epic feud, sparked by desire for an innocuous beauty (Lyanna Stark/Miss Elizabeth), climaxed in a cataclysmic battle that saw the realm’s ruling power change hands between the former allies (the Battle of the Trident/Wrestlemania V: The Mega Powers Explode). It is unknown whether King Aerys II Targaryen (clearly suffering from the Westerosi version of Macho Madness) ever accused Robert of harboring jealous eyes.

Drogon is Ultimate Warrior. These fiery combatants obliterate all competition with an unstoppable offensive onslaught. Hailing from mythical origins, Drogon and Warrior cannot be tamed, yet appear to serve the forces of good. While neither could serve any civilized role within his kingdom, both are terrifying, indispensable weapons to their masters. And though they provide few comprehensible monologues, Drogon’s shrieking battle cry harmonizes well with Warrior’s trademark snarl.

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