The Weekend Preview: Your weekly list of things to watch, eat, do, and buy for September 5th

If you thought Sports Illustrated was only good for updating you on athlete shenanigans, telling you which beach Kate Upton is frolicking on, and funneling

If you thought Sports Illustrated was only good for updating you on athlete shenanigans, telling you which beach Kate Upton is frolicking on, and funneling Peter King directly into your brain, then you underestimated us. Extra Mustard is now your social calendar, and we're presenting you with all the cool things you should watch, eat, do, and buy this weekend.

. Sunday Night Football

September 7, 2014 | 1pm, 4:25pm, and 8:30pm on CBS, NBC and Fox

The air is cooling down, school has started, and football season is back in full force. If Revenge of the Fail Mary and the opening of the 95th NFL season weren't enough to satiate your gridiron cravings, be sure to tune in this Sunday. You'll have 13 different games to choose from across three different channels, with the prime time game featuring Peyton Manning's Broncos squaring off against Peyton Manning's former Colts. This is just like a soap opera, where the jilted lovers are horse-themed football teams!

. Boardwalk Empire

Sept. 7, 2014 | 9pm on HBO

Tune in this weekend for the fifth and final season of HBO's hit drama. You won't want to miss what happens to Nucky Thompson (Steve Buscemi) and the rest of the crew after a seven-year jump. This season's tag line is "No one goes quietly," so make sure you adjust your television volume to accommodate that (oh... that's just a turn of phrase? I see).

. Forrest Gump 20th Anniversary

Limited Release Friday, September 5th

My momma always said classic films are like a box of chocolates -- still perfectly good after sitting on a shelf for 20 years. The Twentieth Anniversary Edition of Forrest Gump has been digitally remastered for an IMAX experience. Now you'll feel like you're right next to Forrest as he ambles through American history. Peas and carrots are always a bit cuter with Tom Hanks.

. Joan Rivers: A Piece of Work

Streaming on Netflix

What better way to celebrate the life of the late great comedian than by watching this 2010 documentary about her life and her work? Rivers was a sideline reporter for countless red carpets and was a second-string late night quarterback for the likes of Johnny Carson. If you can't sit through a whole documentary because you have the attention span of a goldfish, you can check out her appearance on Louie here.

. Boston Calling Music Festival

September 5-7 | City Hall Plaza Boston, MA

Boston's premiere 2-stage music festival has concerts all weekend long and features headliners The National, Lorde, and Nas. Other artists include Childish Gambino, The 1975, and CliffLight. After each concert, fans are invited to official after parties. And after the party is the hotel lobby... unless you live in the Boston area. Then I guess you'd just go back to your house.

. Hudson Valley Wine and Food Festival

September 6-7 | Duchess County Fair Grounds Rhinebeck, NY

Celebrating its 13th year, the Hudson Valley Wine and Food Fest welcomes attendees to learn about award-winning wines and taste fine culinary fare from all over New York. Only 2 hours away from New York City, over 50 wineries and distilleries showcase their fares. Pro Tip: the festival has a wine pick-up service so you don't have to lug your wine bottles around during the entire festival. Finally, you can live up to your pretentious destiny!

. Hideout Block Party

September 5-6 | Chicago, IL

You know this music festival will actually be loads of fun because it's co-sponsored by the A.V. Club, the Onion's arts and entertainment section. This year's headliners include Death Cab for Cutie and The War on Drugs. There's also a children's section at this festival, so parents can rock out, too. Bonus: Portions of the ticket sales benefit the charity Rock for Kids, so basically you'd be a bad person if you didn't go.

. Fan Nation Fantasy Football

SI.com

You're in twelve Fantasy leagues, you've had your draft order set since March, and you quit your job and left your family to spend all your time monitoring your lineups. Still can't get enough fantasy? We've got you covered. Check out our new FanNation Fantasy game, which gives you even more ways to challenge your friends. Give it a whirl, and then seriously, get help, dude. You have a problem.

. The North Side Twist

Wrigley Field | Chicago, IL

What's that? You've never eaten a 2-pound pretzel with three different sauces that's so big it has to be served in a pizza box? Have you even lived? This delicacy is served at Wrigley Field and can be enjoyed with friends or on your own, because what have your friends ever done for you, anyway? For more information (including a very depressing calorie count), check out our Concession Item Of The Week.

. Breakfast with the Baltimore Ravens

M&T Bank Stadium | Baltimore, MD

The Ravens must truly believe that breakfast is the most important meal of the day because M&T Bank Stadium is now home to two breakfast staples. Fans can create custom omelets at the new omelet station, which turns into a 5-foot hoagie-carver stand in the afternoon in their club level concession stand. The Ravens have also added a chicken and waffle sandwich to their already loaded arsenal of sandwiches that include the Baltimore Dip and the Pigskin. Nothing will prepare you to take on the day like fried food and refined carbs!

. Pheasant Cordon Bleu Hot Dog

Biker Jim's Gourmet Hot Dogs | Denver, CO

If you can't watch the Broncos' opening game in person, celebrate with Denver locals at Biker Jim's with this dog, a Pheasant brat wrapped in serrano ham, swiss cheese, panko breaded, deep fried and topped with a mango/habanero chutney and a fat tire mustard cream sauce. If that doesn't sound appetizing because you're stupid, you can also sample other Biker Jim's dogs, like the Alaskan Reindeer, Elk Jalapeno Cheddar, Wild Boar, Rattlesnake & Pheasand, German Veal, Spicy Vegan, and plain ol' All-Beef (if you're boring).

. NHL 15 by EA Sport

Release September 9 | $59.99

Can't wait for the 2015 hockey season? Then pre-order NHL 15 and get your digital fix. NHL 15 even makes physics fun with its new 12 Player NHL Collision Physics technology. The game also gives you the experience of playing in your favorite hockey arena thanks to its NBC Sports Broadcast package.

. Air Jordan 14 'Ferrari'

Release September 6 | $200

Elvis' blue suede shoes can take a backseat to these sleek 'challenge red' kicks. Inspired by MJ's Ferrari, these retro sneakers feature a red suede upper, carbon fiber midsoles, and yellow accents. Hopefully these foot Ferraris will give you the speed you need to get away from Sneaker Snatchers (which is the name for the street gang of lovable ne'er-do-wells I'm trying to start. They also sing and have hearts of gold)

. ENO Single Nest Hammock

Eagle Nest Outfitters (ENO) | $59.95

The leaves are about to start turning, so it's the perfect time to take a hike through the woods and check out the colors (LSD optional). Kick back and relax with this hammock by Eagle Nest Outfitters. Packaged softball-sized, you can unpack and set up this hammock almost anywhere. The ENO Single Nest Hammock is made from quick drying nylon and can support up to 400lbs. If you want more room to cuddle, check out their Double Nest Hammock. Talk about being well hung.

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