Power Rankings: Just which pro wrestlers have the wettest hair?

There is a common thread that has connected wrestlers through the ages, and mystified fans for just as long. That common thread, my friends, is wet hair. Some

Samantha LaPierre | Aug 1, 2016

Power Rankings: Just which pro wrestlers have the wettest hair? /

There is a common thread that has connected wrestlers through the ages, and mystified fans for just as long. That common thread, my friends, is wet hair. Some say that wrestlers who overdose their locks with Vaseline do it so they can secretly call spots. Some believe that fluffy hair in the ring is a sign of weakness. Whatever the real reason is, these ten wrestlers are in need of a hairdryer, stat.

10) "Mr Perfect" Curt Hennig

Curt Hennig is certainly a legend in his own right. However, while he boasted an undefeated streak throughout the better part of his career in the WWF, Hennig’s hair was a little less than perfect. His curls, in a word, could be described as damp. Not unreasonably so, but enough to land him a spot on this list.

9) Dolph Ziggler

The Showoff has a lot in common with Mr. Perfect: colossal arrogance, a knack for over-selling, and a mane like a plate of spaghetti. Dolph’s hair is so much wetter, though. It’s obviously a cry for help, and we’re just not listening.

8) The Undertaker

I guess zombies have wet hair too. But, like, isn’t it hot in Death Valley? Wouldn’t that dry out his hair? How is it so wet if he’s coming to the ring from a warm climate? Is it sweat? More questions than answers, I suppose.

7) Baron Corbin

NXT must teach young up-and-comers that wet hair is vital to a spot on the main roster. I think Corbin took the memo a little too seriously. Corbin looks like he dips his hair into a vat of oil every night… but maybe that’s what gave him the edge to win the Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal.

6) Scott Hall/Razor Ramon

Razor Ramon’s hair made sense for his character, but man, was it ever slimy. There’s a rumor going around that Hall’s hair is now home to at least a dozen misplaced toothpicks. If any wrestler on this list needed a razor, it’s the Bad Guy.

5) Bo Dallas

If you close your eyes, you can Bo-lieve that Bo Dallas probably has the worst hair on the entire WWE roster right now. The problem, though, is that he’s generally wet. With his permanently crazed expression, Bo constantly looks like he just crawled out of a funfair dunk tank and never bothered to dry off.

4) Bray Wyatt

Wyatt ranks so high because he does the impossible: both his hair and his beard are inexplicably soaking wet. Why hasn’t a Wyatt family member brought this to his attention? Does the Wyatt compound not have at least one hairdryer? Does the Wyatt compound have electricity?

3) The Shield

They may be at odds with each other now, but the former members of the Shield still boast something very special: a brotherhood full of really, really ridiculously wet hair. They totally splurged on that fake tactical gear, but I guess none of them thought to splurge on towels.

2) Bret Hart

Bret Hart has the wettest hair there is, the wettest hair there was, and the wettest hair there ever will be (well, almost). Maybe those wraparound shades Bret wore for years kept him in the dark about those waterlogged tresses.

1) Triple H

Triple H literally pours water on his head as he makes his entrance to the ring. He knows exactly what he’s doing. I guess that explains why they call him Hydrated Hair Helmsley.

Published Aug 1, 2016

SAMANTHA LAPIERRE