SI

Traina Thoughts: From 1 to 32, Here Are the Definitive NFL QB Beer-Chugging Power Rankings

NFL quarterback Power Rankings: Beer-chugging edition.

Jimmy Traina

Getty Images

1. NFL quarterbacks won't stop chugging beer. This whole thing started with Aaron Rodgers at a Bucks playoff game a couple of weeks ago and continued Thursday night with Tom Brady at the Patriots' ring ceremony.

So we've decided to power rank every current starting NFL quarterback on their beer-chugging ability based on what we've seen, what we know about them and random assumptions we can make. Feel free to hit me up on Twitter to make a case for a QB who may be ranked too low.

NO DOUBTERS

1. Baker Mayfield: He's young, he's experienced and he's got the attitude.

2. Tom Brady: Besides being the greatest quarterback of all time, you think of Tommy as the "TB12 weird eater," but he's shown he can chug more than once and he's the GOAT. Doubt him at your own risk.

3. Matt Stafford: The effort last week as extremely impressive.

4. Mitch Trubisky: Also gave us an impressive performance last week, but we give Stafford the nod on experience.

5. Ben Roethlisberger: He just looks like he's had a lot of beer-chugging contests in his life.

6. Jimmy Garopolo: Chances are, if you date a porn star, you can chug a beer. And there's this.

7. Patrick Mahomes: Not as impressive as Trubisky and Stafford, but a decent effort nonetheless last week.

8. Josh Allen: If you play college football in Wyoming and then go to Buffalo for your NFL career, you better know how to chug beer.

9. Jared Goff: Goff got his offensive lineman beer coolers for Christmas in 2017, so obviously beer is very important to him.

10. Phillip Rivers: The guy has 400 kids. He NEEDS to chug beer.

11. Ryan Fitzpatrick: Anyone who can grow that beard can chug beer.

12. Jameis Winston: You know he’s probably chugged a few beers while downing some crab legs.

13. Kyler Murray: He’s fresh out of college, so you have to imagine he’s had some recent practice.

14. Sam Darnold: From USC to New York City, he's had no choice but to be a good chugger.

15. Drew Brees: If you hang out with Matthew McConaughey and Brad Pitt, you will have no choice but to become good at chugging beer. Despite the small frame, we have to believe that if you spend the majority of your time in New Orleans, you can chug.

16. Carson Wentz: Wentz must have good times chugging in college if he's dropping $500 tips.

17. Cam Newton: He's a wine and cigar guy, but we'd bet money Cam can chug a beer if he wanted to.

PROBABLY CAN CHUG, BUT WHO KNOWS

18. DeShaun Watson
19. Dak Prescott
20. Andy Dalton
21. Joe Flacco
22. Lamar Jackson
23. Matt Ryan

DEFINITELY DON'T CHUG

24. Nick Foles
25. Case Keenum
26. Derek Carr

DISASTERS AT CHUGGING

27. Kirk Cousins: If you don't know how to grill, you probably don't know how to chug.

Content is unavailable

28. Aaron Rodgers: We saw his technique and it wasn’t good.

29. Russell Wilson: Someone who drinks miracle water isn’t chugging beers.

NO WAY, NO HOW

30. Marcus Mariota: In 2017, after cameras caught him not downing a beer while his teammates did at a Nashville Predators game, Mariota said he has never had a sip of alcohol.

31. Andrew Luck: Despite Mariotta never tasting beer, we're still ranking him ahead of Luck and Eli Manning. You could flip a coin between these two for spots 30 and 31.

32. Eli Manning: Despite this photo, we refuse to believe Eli can chug.

Who was ranked too high? Who was ranked too low? Let me know.

2. I know it's against the law to ever say anything bad about Beyoncé, but I'm gonna take a chance. While it is not Beyoncé's fault that her wacky fans have harassed Nicole Curran (wife of Warriors owner Joe Lacob) why doesn't Beyoncé—and not Beyoncé's publicist, but Beyoncé herself—make a video or put out an Instagram post telling her fans to cut the crap?

3. Andre Iguodala should be your new favorite NBA player. It's so refreshing to see an athlete actually acknowledge that most fans can't afford to attend playoff games unless they want to sit in awful seats.

4. Today is National Donut Day, so who better to celebrate the occasion with than The Great One.

5. The latest episode of the Sports Illustrated Media Podcast features interviews with Action Network Senior Executive Producer Darren Rovell and New York Post sports media columnist Andrew Marchand. Rovell discusses the blowback he got from spoiling the end of James Holzhauer’s Jeopardy! streak, how many followers he lost, whether he’d do it again and whether Twitter can do a better job handling spoilers in general.

Marchand then joins the podcast to talk about the ramifications of athletes not speaking to the media after a game, NBA Finals ratings, a big behind-the-scenes Monday Night Football move, Sunday Night Baseball’s issues and more.

You can listen to the full podcast below or download it on iTunes, Spotify or Google Play.

7. RANDOM YOUTUBE VIDEO OF THE DAY: Prince would've turned 61 years old today. If you never heard his rendition of Nothing Compares 2 U, you should listen now.

Be sure to catch up on past editions of Traina Thoughts and check out the Sports Illustrated Media Podcast hosted by Jimmy Traina on iTunes, Spotify or Google Play. You can also follow Jimmy on Twitter and Instagram.

Subscribe on Apple Podcasts

IN CLOSING: Pretty amazing that there still isn't great value in betting the Warriors to win the NBA Finals at just +105.

Published
Jimmy Traina
JIMMY TRAINA

Jimmy Traina is a staff writer and podcast host for Sports Illustrated. A 20-year veteran in the industry, he’s been covering the sports media landscape for seven years and writes a daily column, Traina Thoughts. Traina has hosted the Sports Illustrated Media Podcast since 2018, a show known for interviews with some of the most important and powerful people in sports media. He also was the creator and writer of SI’s Hot Clicks feature from 2007 to '13.

Home/Extra Mustard