Wednesday’s Hot Clicks: Bill Belichick Shot Kyle Van Noy in the Face With a Paintball Gun

Kyle Van Noy almost ended up on the injury report after the Patriots’ fun outing.

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Bill Belichick is a killer

Noted fun guy Bill Belichick decided to keep things light on Monday by canceling Patriots practice and taking everyone out to play paintball instead. It looked like everyone had a good time.

From football to paintball 💥

Shout out to the winning squad from yesterday's #BostonPaintball trip. pic.twitter.com/nmhsekHqzz

— New England Patriots (@Patriots) June 11, 2019

Everyone except Kyle Van Noy.

The veteran linebacker said Tuesday night on a Twitch stream that he was still feeling the effects of one particular shot to the grill.

“I got hit, I’m telling you,” Van Noy said on the stream. “This paintball hit me in the mask, and the mask hit my tooth and my s--- still hurts.”

Teammate Dont’a Hightower pressed Van Noy to reveal who the shooter was and eventually admitted it was Belichick: “Bill got my ass.”

That shouldn’t come as a surprise. You know Belichick was studying his opponents’ tactics and was sitting back waiting to plunk Van Noy right between the eyes.

The U.S. won by an (American) football score

Thirteen goals. Thirteen! That’s how many the U.S. women’s national team scored in its World Cup opener against Thailand. A Miami bar that promised to give away shots for every U.S. goal certainly didn’t expect that. It was the most goals ever scored by a team in World Cup play. Alex Morgan scored five all by herself, tying an American World Cup record set by Michelle Akers.

There were so many goals scored that Telemundo announcer Andrés Cantor spent two and a half minutes saying “gol.”

Andres Cantor spent a full 2 minutes, 30 seconds of that match broadcast yelling "GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL." That's 2.3% of the entire broadcast, or 1.38 seconds of "GOL" per minute of match. pic.twitter.com/QV2cquGi2J

— Timothy Burke (@bubbaprog) June 11, 2019

The New York Times didn’t even have space in the paper to give details on the carnage.

The Canadian TV crew was not as impressed, though.

The best of SI

Elite runner Gabriele Grunwald, who still competed even while battling cancer, died last night at age 32. ... Was the American women’s rout of Thailand unsportsmanlike? ... Cheering for injuries didn’t start in Toronto but that’s where it should end.

Around the sports world

Aaron Rodgers made a seven-figure donation to the Cal football program. ... A second man was arrested in connection with the David Ortiz shooting. ... Unlikely boxing champ Andy Ruiz Jr. got to meet the president of Mexico.

Jalen Rose had the best take on Kevin Durant’s injury

"Everybody's fake acting like they care about KD's best interest when they don't. It's phony to me."

—@JalenRose pic.twitter.com/rXXXOShF2H

— First Take (@FirstTake) June 11, 2019

Fernando Tatis Jr. is FAST

You gonna get that, Brock?

Trying to qualify for the U.S. Open in Alaska

Pro move not to have it pop all over your face

Coolest hair in the World Cup

Try explaining these in 10 years

Yea or nay on these?

Not sports

Scientists have discovered a spot in Scotland where an asteroid a mile wide hit Earth. ... Someone broke into a Lions Club in Maine and stole $1,000 worth of whoopie pies. ... An alligator in Florida chomped a bit piece out of a cop car. ... A Thai restaurant in Connecticut was forced to shut down after a decomposing body leaked through the ceiling.

Tennis ball-sized hail hit Germany

Keanu Reeves in a previous life

That’s a remote-controlled plane

“Do you have a permit?”

A good song

Email dan.gartland@simail.com with any feedback or follow me on Twitter for approximately one half-decent baseball joke per week. Bookmark this page to see previous editions of Hot Clicks and find the newest edition every day. By popular request I’ve made a Spotify playlist of the music featured here. Visit our Extra Mustard page throughout each day for more offbeat sports stories.