ESPN’s NBA H-O-R-S-E Competition Was Tough to Watch

In Monday’s Hot Clicks: The much-hyped H-O-R-S-E tournament falls flat, an actual baseball highlight and more.

This thing stunk

The H-O-R-S-E competition between NBA and WNBA players ESPN began airing last night was supposed to be the oasis in our sports desert. It turned out to be a mirage. 

Maybe it was naive to think that watching people put up shots in their driveways could entertain us, even in such dire circumstances. But ESPN spent so much time hyping the tournament. Adrian Wojnarowski, citing “sources,” reported on April 4 that his own network was working with the league to make it happen. Four days later he reported the names of a few of the participants. News trickled out like rumors of a blockbuster trade in the works until ESPN officially announced the tournament on April 9. It gave the impression that this would be a can’t-miss television event. 

You definitely could have missed it, though. 

The main issue—which is inescapable and nobody’s fault—was the hostage video quality of the players’ streams. It looked like somebody rubbed Vaseline on the camera lens. It was clear that this made it awkward for the participants, too. The uncomfortable pauses after somebody’s audio glitched out will be familiar to anyone who’s spent the past month on conference calls. 

The other problem was with the competition itself. It didn’t seem like the players put much thought or practice into their shots before the cameras turned on. They could have taken the past couple of days to come up with some unique trick shots to do, but for the most part they kept it simple. Zach LaVine even said he didn’t know he’d be asked to explain his shot before he did it. 

After tweeting that he’d be taking “half-court shots only,” Trae Young’s opening matchup with Chauncey Billups was exceptionally tame. Young didn’t attempt anything nearly as ambitious as a half-court shot. He’s one of the best pure shooters in the NBA and he lost when he clanged a three-pointer off the top edge of the backboard. 

The highlights don’t even show the most brutal part of the event, though. Significant portions of the broadcast were spent showing the players missing shot after shot. 

It was enough to make J.J. Redick quickly turn off the TV.

H-O-R-S-E could not be worse. I gave it 5 min. Hard pass.

— JJ Redick (@jj_redick) April 12, 2020

The other two first-round games were at least a little more interesting. Zach LaVine had some creative shots, as did Chris Paul and Allie Quigley. LaVine ended up blanking Paul Pierce, who looked so stiff and old it’s incredible to think he played in the NBA three years ago. 

It may have fallen flat, but this thing came together on short notice and had never been attempted before. It’s possible after yesterday’s practice run that Thursday’s semi-finals and finals are a better viewing experience. We can only hope. 

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An actual baseball highlight!

A New York Post photographer died of the coronavirus and I was struck by this tribute from a former Yankees player

Here’s the back cover of today’s Post

pic.twitter.com/DGEbuVDfpo

— David Waldstein (@DavidWaldstein) April 13, 2020

Four years ago today

Not bad for a rugby player

🤷🏽‍♂️ level up.. #qcchallenge pic.twitter.com/cfP09OMi6n

— Quade Cooper (@QuadeCooper) April 10, 2020

Simone Biles is ridiculous

That’s what happens when you play for a quarter-century

Jamie Moyer faced 7.37 percent of all players in baseball history – 8.09 percent at the time of his retirement in 2012.

— Ryan M. Spaeder (@theaceofspaeder) April 12, 2020

Got ’em!

Shareef O'Neal roasting Shaq's new boat 😂

(via @SSJreef) pic.twitter.com/TqcaOvkvKo

— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) April 12, 2020

Nicely done

Our Magnolia Lane quarantine style. pic.twitter.com/YJZpchIBRc

— Tiger Woods (@TigerWoods) April 12, 2020

He’ll still find a way to get booed in his basement

FMIA filed in full to ace ed @dombonvissuto ... Draft nuggets, an NFL galley I had a lot of fun compiling, plus the usual nonsense.
Happy Easter everyone!
-
One other thing: Roger Goodell will (as suspected) announce first-round picks standing in his basement in Bronxville, N.Y.

— Peter King (@peter_king) April 12, 2020

Not sports

This lizard that lays eggs and gives live birth could be evolving right before our eyes. ... SNL aired a pre-taped, at-home version of the show with a sketch about Zoom and an appearance from Tom Hanks.

Truly ingenius

You know what? That’s a good joke

This horse is a great reminder that our generation did not invent shitposting, it merely adapted it to another form pic.twitter.com/pb9wjMtgRY

— Ally (@radalias) April 11, 2020

Amazing

A good song

Email dan.gartland@si.com with any feedback or follow me on Twitter for approximately one half-decent baseball joke per week. Bookmark this page to see previous editions of Hot Clicks and find the newest edition every day. By popular request I’ve made a Spotify playlist of the music featured here. Visit our Extra Mustard page throughout each day for more offbeat sports stories.