Scott Boras’s Annual Winter Meetings Metaphor Festival Didn’t Disappoint

In Wednesday’s Hot Clicks: Scott Boras’s head-scratching metaphors, James Harden’s preseason debut and more.

Boras was up to his old tricks

Every December, MLB superagent Scott Boras holds a press conference at the winter meetings that garners the attention of every reporter in attendance. That’s partly because Boras represents the biggest names in baseball and media members want updates on their free-agency negotiations, but it’s also because they want to know what ridiculous collection of words will come out of Boras’s mouth next. 

Boras’s annual audience with the press has become notorious for his tendency to speak in elaborate metaphors. In 2016, he talked a bunch about boats and the ocean. In 2018, he invoked race cars in the chase for Bryce Harper. It’s not just at the winter meetings, either. Over the summer, Boras told Tom Verducci that MLB’s new playoff TV contract was a “rectal thermometer.”

The winter meetings have gone virtual this year, so there was no big group of reporters to crowd around Boras as he doled out little pearls of wisdom, but the press conference went ahead on Zoom and he didn’t disappoint. 

New Mets catcher James McCann became a “Big Mac.”

Mets GM Jared Porter was also compared to a cut of beef. 

Mets owner Steve Cohen was praised for his big cojones, or as they (don’t) say in New York, “big apples.”

Angels GM Perry Minasian became an old TV detective.

Jackie Bradley Jr. became a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

The Cubs’ front office became a kitchen. 

Chicago’s NL club is also a cake and a boat. 

There was something about a 60-game season being a side street versus the freeway of a full 162-game slate. 

He has to have a team of writers coming up with this stuff for him, right? At the very least, there’s no way he’s coming up with this stuff off the top of his head. He has to be sitting there with a stack of index cards for all 30 teams, waiting to drop his line about how the Rockies need one big piece to reach the top of the competitive mountain, or whatever. 

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Around the sports world

Colts punter Rigoberto Sanchez hopes to return to practice this week, just two weeks after having a cancerous tumor removed. ... Chris Spielman is leaving Fox Sports to join the Lions’ front office. ... The MLB season could be pushed back so that everyone involved can get the coronavirus vaccine before it starts. ... Manny Ramirez has signed on to play in the Australian Baseball League—at age 48. 

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He wasn’t exactly giving max effort, either

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A season-ending injury in a preseason game is a really tough break

The NFL playoffs. On Nickelodeon.

SpongeBob, Slime, and Googly Eyes, @NFLonCBS and @Nickelodeon will present the NFL like you’ve NEVER seen it before on Wild Card Weekend.

Details on the January 10 broadcast here: https://t.co/NK00FW2vsN pic.twitter.com/x3wf1dqaIk

— CBS Sports (@CBSSports) December 15, 2020

It’s almost time for real buzzer beaters

Lamar Jackson better not cramp up again

That’s not good

Nifty footwork here

Owen Otasowie technically gets the assist here on his Premier League debut, but it's Daniel Podence that does the heavy lifting on a gorgeous equalizer for Wolves

(via @NBCSportsSoccer) pic.twitter.com/xg9i9byyIa

— SI Soccer (@si_soccer) December 15, 2020

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Sure, “banana”

That’s dedication

A good song

Email dan.gartland@si.com with any feedback or follow me on Twitter for approximately one half-decent baseball joke per week. Bookmark this page to see previous editions of Hot Clicks and find the newest edition every day. By popular request I’ve made a Spotify playlist of the music featured here. Visit our Extra Mustard page throughout each day for more offbeat sports stories.