STILL LEGAL, PBR Brings Showtime to LA

When it comes to bull riding, the only thing being tortured is the truth.

The heavyweight matchup every sport craves, in a city preferential to dramatic spectacles where Beyoncé going cowboy injected a kinetic dazzle into a bull riding, did not disappoint.

On set in Los Angeles producing the main drama were Cassio Dias, the world’s No. 1 rider, scheduled to take on Man Hater, the season’s dominant bovine athlete, and unrideable forever.

In 30 tries, no rider had ever survived 8 seconds on a bull who acts like a B-52 bomber pretending to be a ballerina. 

His co-owner Jane Clark told her stock contractor partner Gene Owens that after 14 years together she no longer wanted any ordinary bull. She wanted a great one. Well, Clark has that now.

Man Hater the bull is nowhere near done, but could he turn out to be the first in the sport’s history to go undefeated?

Nearby in Anaheim, UFC was in action, but in sold-out Crypto.com Arena, home of the Lakers, bull riding sure was staging a matchup for the ages.

The Lakers called this Show Time, which remains alive and well in the City of Angels…on trucked-in dirt and the backs of extraordinary yet misrepresented athletes.

Who isn’t fascinated by cowboys? Beyoncé, for one, is now at the front of the pop culture line primed by Yellowstone. But, remember, PBR cowboys don’t go at it solo.

This deal scored half rider, half bull is Abbott and Costello, Bonny and Clyde, Thelma and Louise, Starsky and Hutch.

The bulls are the misrepresented co-star in the show, which despite the sell-outs, big TV ratings and influx of corporate partners, curiously faces an uncertain future in this city even though a large, loud, and passionate multicultural rodeo fan base across the Southland can’t get enough of it.

Yet some want to take that away, because not everyone is on the level when it comes to Western ways.

Leading the charge to cancel cowboy sports is local City Councilmember Bob Blumenfield, who believes Los Angeles will be a better, more livable city if it can only rid itself of the scourges of bull riding, rodeo, and equestrian events. Blumenfield has chosen to pursue that goal by peddling nonsense about alleged animal torture.

Quite simply, neither you, nor I, nor a 150-pound cowboy with nothing but a bull rope in his hand and dull spurs at his heels can force an 1,800-pound bull to do anything.

Genetic bloodlines make a bull buck. Careful breeding followed by the best food, training and care produces a pen of powerful animal athletes forming the competitive backbone of a growing sport enjoyed by a diverse cluster of salt-of-the-earth folks who pass along a generation-connecting love of cowboy sports.

Bulls like Man Hater live a great, long life. By virtue of making it to PBR, they are spared the death sentence condemning all other male bovines.

In a few years, Man Hater will retire to stud. For now, it’s the rock star life of a world-class athlete. Watch him strut. He knows how good he is.

As fast and powerful as sophisticated breeding has made today’s bull lineup, Man Hater is next-level.

You could say he’s like a certain hockey player dubbed “The Great One” who wore a Los Angeles jersey. Man Hater is putting up Gretzky-like numbers this season — a full point ahead of all others in the Yeti Bull of the Year standings.

That’s like a sprinter winning the 100-meter dash by ten meters when the summer Olympics come to town in 2028.

His muscular athleticism, vertical lift, power, and long-body kick have put him in a class by himself this season.

“Man Hater is a once-in-a-lifetime dominant animal athlete,” said Justin McBride, color analyst for PBR on CBS.

And now Cassio Dias, no slouch himself with three event wins so far this rookie season, had chosen him in the Championship Round.

Dias vs. Man Hater wasn’t the only headline grabber on Saturday night.

As Yellowstone’s Neal McDonough popped onto the video board chugging a Michelob Ultra from his wife’s boot to the escalating roar from the rafters on down (Blumenfield has yet to outlaw within city limits the consumption of a cold one from the footwear of a spouse), more storylines were playing than within the arc of a Curb Your Enthusiasm season.

Heading into the short go, star rookie John Crimber, a rare phenom living up to his hype, was in the lead after going 2 for 2.

After winning 9 of 14 lower-level events upon turning 18 and becoming PBR-eligible, Crimber busted onto the elite tour by winning a round at the Tucson season opener. Since then, he’s knocked at the door of a Big Boy Win with the expectant enthusiasm of a trick-or-treater on Halloween.

“That’s the best 18-year-old bull rider in the world right now,” McBride said. “The hype is real. I’ve watched him since he was a little kid. He’s won at every level.”

Just not this level. Yet. 

The kid has a level head on his shoulders and learned at the knee of his father, 10-time PBR World Finals qualifier Paulo, who coaches the Florida Freedom in the separate PBR Teams league where John will invariably be drafted to join a team competing in the year’s second half.

The fresh-faced kid who got on sheep when he was four will undoubtedly help his squad gun for a team title beginning in July.

For now, he wants to grab his first premier series belt buckle, so close yet tantalizingly outside his reach. He’s finished second twice in recent weeks.

Scoring the most points so far, Crimber would ride last on championship Saturday, against a bull called Ricky Vaughn, who is usually good for a 90-plus score for the few who stayed on.

Meantime, Show Time/Bull Time kicked into full showstopper mode with Dias against Man Hater.

The combo busted out of the gate like a San Quentin death-row jailbreak.

(Escaping from prison is currently illegal throughout California). 

The gyrating bull kicked hard and changed direction. The determined Brazilian kept his seat for 8 long, turbulent seconds.

At the sound of the buzzer, the place just about exploded.

(Legally so; Bob Blumenfield has yet to write a rule prohibiting the overt expression of excitement, boundless joy, and/or loud wonderment in public spaces within city limits).

“I hope everyone realizes what they just witnessed. It doesn’t get any better in this sport,” McBride exclaimed on CBS. “That was everything you want to see out of that bull, and Dias was perfect! You’re gonna see that ride on the highlights for a long time.”

Dias was scored a massive 48.75 rider points, while Man Hater’s 46 on the bull side added up to 94.75, the highest ride score in PBR since 2022.

John Crimber, no longer in the lead and forced to make the 8 to win, appreciated the remarkable moment.

His jubilant, wide-mouthed “Whoah!” was worthy of comparisons to Taylor Swift‘s expression in the luxury suite during the requisite broadcast cut-in after each Chiefs’ touchdown.

(There are no reports of Bob Blumenfield planning to prohibit within city limits one’s mouth morphing into a large donut-shape expression of giddy pleasure when feeling massive happiness at a nationally televised sporting event).

A class act, that young John Crimber cheering on a competitor who might have just eaten his lunch as he was mentally preparing to take on Ricky Vaughn, who has only yielded 3 scores on 28 outs.

He needed to get past a little bull who gives everything he’s got. It would be a predictably explosive out.

The hard-bucking bull changed direction twice. Crimber was like 1970’s-era Burt Reynolds hanging onto a canoe slamming through treacherous southern rapids.

There would be no deliverance for John Crimber.

He flew off about a half-second short of the whistle. 

That meant Dias won — his fourth buckle of the season. He had picked the best bull in the world, one never ridden, and he finished the dance.

The 2024 regular season is now at the halfway point. When Dias sashayed on the cage after slaying the sport’s most massive dragon, it felt like a seismic shift had taken place.

“We just had an earthquake in Los Angeles,” Hummer said. “It’s Dias world, and we are all happy to be in it.”

Full of confidence tempered with humility, Dias heads for the next test in Jacksonville 435 points ahead of Austin Richardson, who is out injured. Crimber sits at No. 3, 435 points back.

Dias has a sizable lead but is not counting that million-dollar championship bonus yet. He said he’s going to take it one bull, one weekend at a time.

Conquering Man Hater still felt like the kind of signature ride portending a world title.

“Dias is in the moment. He’s enjoying the process. That’s why he’s doing so great,” McBride said.

For the record, being in the moment and enjoying the process remains perfectly legal within Los Angeles city limits.