Big E Details Terrifying Battle With Depression

Zack Heydorn | 4 Hours Ago

WWE.com

Big E, a former WWE Champion and WWE Tag Team Champion as part of The New Day, opened up about his terrifying battle with depression before his time as a pro wrestler.

Inside a special piece for The Players' Tribune ahead of their ten year anniversary celebration on WWE Raw, Big E detailed some haunting and transparent aspects of dealing with depression as a young adult and how he overcame his issues with the help of his football coach.

"I started to dissociate," Big E wrote. "Well, first I’d have these headaches. These crippling, numbing headaches that weighed a ton. And then — OK, you know the famous “floating dolly shot” that Spike Lee uses in his movies?? I started to feel like one of those. Like I was frozen in space, while the world was going on around me. Like I was a fly on the wall but somehow I was the wall.

"I also started to isolate more, and fixate, and spiral. I’d get these scary hallucinations. Like I’d be staring at the TV, turned off … when suddenly these demons would be all over the screen. Or I’d look up at the ceiling … and suddenly thousands and thousands of bugs would be crawling on it. And what’s crazy is, I’d know they’re hallucinations. I’d argue with myself, like, No. NO. That’s not real. But it wouldn’t matter.

"Finally, and most terrifying of all: I started to have these episodes — where I would just totally lose control of my mind, and it would spin out into the most horrible ideas. Like, truly horrible. It would almost feel like I was being trolled by my own brain, as it tried to come up with the worst things it could possibly think of. Running into a school with a weapon … hurting young people … stuff like that. Stuff you know you’re not capable of, and wouldn’t want to admit you’re capable of even having the idea of. But it’s hard to ignore that the idea was still there. And when it would pass, I’d think, I’m sick, I’m evil, just for having those thoughts. And I don’t need to be here being a danger to people. I don’t need to be alive."

Big E credited his football coach for recognizing his issues and reaching out to help.

"The moment that Coach reached out, it wasn’t memorable or dramatic," Big E wrote. "But one day, quietly, he just pulled me aside to talk in private. And he basically told me what was going to happen: There was this therapist, Marvin Sims, and he wanted me to go see him. Then he gave me the info, I nodded, and I went on my way. I’ll always appreciate the nuance that Coach Aiken used in that moment."

This week on WWE Raw, Big E will reunite with The New Day to celebrate the group's ten year anniversary. Big E has been on the shelf due to a severe neck injury that he suffered during a match with Ridge Holland on Smackdown in 2022.

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