The Ranking: Tough Kurt Kitayama, the Book of James Hahn and Free Beer

Gary Van Sickle was on site last week at Bay Hill and took in all things Arnie, along with a newsy week in the world of golf.

PONTE VEDRA BEACH, Fla. — This is what The Ranking learned last week while at Bay Hill for the Arnold Palmer Invitational.

Not included: An individual can’t bet on FanDuel on his phone from the state of Florida, where online wagering isn’t legal (that worked out—The Ranking would’ve loaded up on Scottie Scheffler, who finished fourth); I-4 between Disney and downtown Orlando is the largest parking lot on earth; you can see Disney World fireworks every night around 8:30 for free from miles around; Tiger Woods is not going to compete in the Players Championship because he’s saving himself for the Masters (note to self: check to see if online betting is legal in Georgia); and a surprising number of tourists from other countries don’t know about Right Turn On Red, especially when they’re driving in front of The Ranking staff. (They also don’t know what honking means, either.)

10. It’s Kind of a Big Dill

Just so you know, there are 241 pickleball courts in America’s Second Home of Golf, The Villages, Fla. The Ranking knows this to be true because Jeff Shain, specialty editor of The Villages Daily Sun, heard from a resident who claimed to have played pickleball on all 241 courts. Has the resident also played all 747 of The Villages’ golf holes, too? That’s unclear. Is this resident guy retired? What do you think? He lives in The Villages and he played pickleball on 241 courts. The Ranking likes to call those clues…

9. 1,000 and Counting

The machine known as Bernhard Langer is still running strong. No, he did not win the Cologuard Classic and claim a record 46th PGA Tour Champions title. (David Toms won handily.) But Langer did play his 1,000th and 1,001st PGA Tour Champions rounds in his 320th start. Here is another amazing Langer stat: In addition to 45 senior wins, he has 40 runner-up finishes. Remarkable. Oh, by the way, Hale Irwin, who also has 45 senior titles, posted 43 runner-up finishes … not that anyone is trying to finish second.

8. Golf’s Mona Lisa

The Arnold Palmer Invitational featured an Arnie’s Army exhibit near the 18th green. Fans could walk through and look at old photos, trophies, medallions and all things Arnie. Also in the collection was a portrait of Arnie painted by legendary Norman Rockwell, who apparently took a break from his usual fare—painting a kid nervously getting an injection on his bare backside from his general practitioner. The Ranking gives Rockwell’s Arnie the edge over Andy Warhol’s Jack Nicklaus. Sorry, Jack …

7. It’s True, Magazines Are the Future

People magazine, one of the most vapid and irrelevant publications still in business, thinks it found an incredible story in actress Catherine Zeta-Jones, who says she makes Michael Douglas drop his pants on the golf course if his tee shot doesn’t get past the ladies tees. Why, who ever has heard of such a thing in golf? My goodness gracious! Major scoop! Somebody call TMZ, then get the number for 9-1-1! But wait, it gets lamer, if that’s possible. The subject came up because she answered a reader’s question for The Guardian about her pants comment that she made seven years ago on The Graham Norton Show. Seven years? And somebody remembers Graham Norton? In other news alerts for People, the Lindbergh baby didn’t make it …

6. How PGA Superstore Shafted Hovland

Norwegian tour player Viktor Hovland didn’t win the Arnold Palmer Invitational but it wasn’t because he did have his trusty 3-wood for the final round. His TaylorMade Stealth Plus 3-wood became damaged during Saturday’s third round, according to Golfweek. Well, the tour vans that service player equipment had already departed. Luckily, the local PGA Superstore two miles away (overlooking I-4 near the Drury Inn) had a replacement head with Hovland’s specs so caddie Shay Knight hustled over there with Hovland’s shaft and a PGA Superstore tech installed the new head. Hovland tied for 10th and won $485,000, just enough to pay The Ranking for mentioning him this week. Venmo and PayPal are acceptable, H-Bomb ...

5. You Don’t Say …

A contender for quote of the week came from Jon Rahm after he struggled in the wind and posted a stunning second-round 76. What happened? “Excuse my language, but it’s f------ hard,” Rahm said, managing a laugh. Somewhere, Arnold Palmer smiled …

Jon Rahm looked puzzled during the second round at Bay Hill, where he turned in a surprising 76—followed by another in the third round :: Reinhold Matay/USA TODAY Sports

4. A Fab Four Minus One

The Ranking knew that next year on the PGA Tour, all of the non-elevated tournaments will essentially be qualifiers for the designated elevated tournaments, but who noticed the Arnold Palmer Invitational was a three-spot qualifier for the British Open at Royal Liverpool? Winner Kurt Kitayama; co-runner-up Harris English and eighth-place finisher Davis Riley earned spots in the Open. Riley tied with Trey Mullinax but won the tiebreaker—he had a higher world ranking. Who else besides The Ranking thinks that tie should’ve been decided by rolling bar dice?

3. On a Beer Day, You Can See Forever

The late Tony Lema became known as "Champagne Tony" after he bought champagne for the press corps covering his first PGA Tour victory. Danielle Kang didn’t win the HSBC Champions in Singapore—Jin Young Ko did. But she took a page from Lema’s playbook because she wanted to reward the grounds crew and volunteers who helped the tournament finish on time despite multiple storms and rain delays in Singapore. “Without them, we would not have been able to finish 72 holes,” Kang said. “I just wanted to say thanks and have a beer on us.” Memo to Ranking staff: Check to find out why Elon Musk hasn’t invented digital beer yet.

2. The Book of James

The new PGA Tour elevated event changes were sure to rankle some rank-and-file tour members, and James Hahn was the first to have the guts to slam the new concept. “It seems like the major theme these past few years has been, How do we get the most money to the most popular players? ... I use ‘popular’ instead of best players because Tiger… just won PIP money two years running without really playing golf. I never would have imagined that someone could make more money for being popular than for how good they are on the course.”

Hahn also called the tour’s top players hypocritical for not admitting, We’re doing this for the money. He had plenty more to say, too, including, “The rich get richer.” The Ranking agrees with Hahn’s many criticisms. Arnold Palmer once said he and Jack Nicklaus intended the PGA Tour to be “equitable for all, not just for some.” How ironic that the new tour schedule, effectively creating a super-tour and second-tier tour, was announced during the week at Bay Hill, where Palmer lived.

1. Stronger-Than-Dirt Kurt

The week’s highlight was discovering just how tough Kurt Kitayama is under pressure. He made a clutch birdie on the mean par-3 17th hole to take a lead, then played a clutch iron onto the green from the rough at 18 and followed it with a clutch birdie putt that hung on the lip but gave him the victory. He was clutch but not perfect—he hit a drive OB at the 9th and three-putted twice. But on a leaderboard that glittered with names such as Rory McIlroy, Scottie Scheffler, Viktor Hovland, Jordan Spieth and Tyrrell Hatton, it was Kitayama who looked like the No. 1 player in the world en route to his first victory. Let’s all agree now that his nickname is not going to be “Kitty.”