The Perfect Thanksgiving Food to Symbolize Every MLB Franchise

The Rangers deserve to drink champagne at dinner this Thanksgiving. As for the rest of the league? Well ... there’s something for everyone. Even if it’s salad.

Many people associate Thanksgiving with football, perhaps because that sport is in season for the holiday, schedules games for the holiday and generally makes a production out of its connection with the holiday.

But let that not stop us from seeking, and finding, a baseball link to Thanksgiving. One of the joys of baseball is its frivolity; therefore, as we await any real baseball news, Sports Illustrated presents MLB teams as Thanksgiving foods, a likely incomplete and certainly ridiculous rundown.

The Rangers have every right to be the drunk uncles at Thanksgiving this year :: Jerome Miron/USA Today Sports

Champagne: Rangers

Champs for the champs.

Beer: Phillies

They ultimately disappointed, but even so, no one throws a party like the Phillies.

Wine: Atlanta

Their 2021 title team boasted a Burgundy Boys club. The 2023 version, which bowed out in the NLDS, did kind of a lot of complaining.

Water: A’s

Much like owner John Fisher’s boondoggle of a Las Vegas stadium, it’s funded by taxpayers.

Shrimp cocktail: Mariners

It’s fun, but it’s over before the main course.

Deviled eggs: Giants

Eggs are pretty good on their own, but if you mess around with them enough, you can squeeze just a little more value out of them.

Cheese and crackers: Cubs

Did you expect this to be the Brewers? Well, the Cubs offered it $40 million.

Mixed nuts: Mets

Surprisingly expensive for the performance they produce.

Turkey: Yankees

The current product may put you to sleep, but you have to admit it’s not Thanksgiving without it.

Cranberry sauce: Angels

Why does this never taste good? I always think this will be the year it will taste good.

Homemade or canned? Angels fans would settle for anything that goes down smoothly at this point :: Henry Taylor/USA TODAY Network

Stuffing: Pirates

A historically meaningful franchise that has gotten a little dry.

Gravy: Diamondbacks

No one expected this season’s pennant, including them, and they’re well set up for the future, too.

Mashed potatoes: Red Sox

A Thanksgiving stalwart, but no matter how good it is, it’s really not quite as important as the turkey.

Green bean casserole: Cardinals

An iconic dish that might not be able to keep up with some of the new up-and-comers.

Brussels sprouts: Padres

For a long time, we thought they were terrible. Then we found out it was because we’d been making them wrong.

Salad: Reds

Where are you gonna go, Christmas?

Cornbread: Brewers

Always the side dish, never the main course.

Rolls: Marlins

You can save whatever doesn’t get eaten to make a Jake Burger.

Mac and cheese: Dodgers

It’s so good while you’re eating it—but it often makes you sick at the end.

Come to think of it, wouldn’t macaroni taste pretty good on top of a Dodger Dog? :: Chris Day/USA TODAY Network

Butternut squash: Nationals

Much like the Nationals’ young core, it needs to ripen before it’s any good.

Carrots: Orioles

They’re orange and they involve having vision. They are also enjoying a resurgence.

Candied yams: Astros

The most polarizing food on the list—but somehow, year after year, hate it or love it, it’s still there.

Tourtière: Blue Jays

What do you want? It’s Canadian.

Leftovers sandwich: Rays

They take other teams’ castoffs and somehow end up with one of the best combinations of all.

Pumpkin pie: Twins

You never expect it to be the best pie, but then you taste them all and you’re like, Hey, this is pretty good!

Peanut butter pie: Tigers

It kind of looks like tiger stripes, plus they employ a guy named Reese (Olson).

Pecan pie: White Sox

Sometimes you just have to start from scratch.

Apple pie: Royals

It’s a classic, but it’s actually slightly out of season. Kind of like hitting singles and pitching to contact.

Chocolate pie: Guardians

This should taste better, shouldn’t it?

That weird thing that only your family makes: Rockies

They are doing their own thing, all the time.