Rangers Reinforcements: Robots, 15-Year-Old Kid?

Rangers' chasing another Guerrero, Cowboys' 30-year drought, Luka's value and The Freak's faltering ratings, all in this week's DFW sports notebook.

WHITT’S END: 1.13.23

Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …

*Good news, Texas Rangers fans: Sure, your team has never won a World Series using human beings for umpires. But robot umps are closer than you think.

As in this season.

*Cool, the Rangers are in the running to acquire Vladimir Guerrero’s son? Oh, not Junior but the other one … 15-year-old-Pablo.

*You ever have something dawn on you that makes you immediately spit out your cereal?

Like, I dunno, this:

No one under 30 years old has ever witnessed the Dallas Cowboys win a road playoff game.

On Jan. 17, 1993 the underdog Cowboys went into muddy Candlestick Park and upset the San Francisco 49ers in the NFC Championship Game. Troy Aikman to Alvin Harper for a gutsy 70-yard catch-and-run to seal the deal and set the stage for winning Super Bowl XXVII two weeks later. Maybe the elders of your tribe have mentioned it?

Since then, the Cowboys are 0-8 on the road in the postseason. And only two of those have been competitive: Tony Romo’s flubbed field-goal snap at Seattle in 2007 and Dez Bryant caught-it-then-he-didn’t at Lambeau Field in 2015.

So if you weren’t concerned enough about the Cowboys being 0-7 against Tom Brady entering Monday night’s Wild Card game AT Tampa, throw a 30-year drought on top of the pessimistic pile.

You’re welcome.

*There are a couple of players in the NBA with more talent. Some with more popularity. And lots with less whining. But, make no mistake, there isn’t a more valuable player than the Dallas Mavericks’ Luka Doncic. Despite taking a physical pounding from Lakers’ knucklehead Russell Westbrook and playing the game’s final 41 minutes (53 overall) Thursday night, Luka forced both overtimes with step-back 3-pointers and finished with a 35-point-14-rebound-13 assist triple-double in Dallas’ gutsy 119-115 win. Said Doncic afterward, “Very physical game. And I played a lot of minutes. But a win is a win.” A recovery six-pack might be in order.

*How’s this for valuable? Over the last two seasons the Mavs are 55-21 with Luka and 7-22 without him. I rest my case.

*Despite the win that gave them a 24-19 record and kept them with the West’s 4th seed, TNT analyst Charles Barkley wasn’t exactly impressed in labeling them both “stupid” and “mediocre” during a scathing post-game critique. “It’s interesting how stupid the Mavs are at times,” Barkley said after the game, which ended just after midnight. “The first quarter they got the big lead by running and gunning. Then they finally won because they took the ball out of Luka’s hands. They should do that more often. It’s a perfect example of why they’re a mediocre team. Luka doesn’t have to make every play.” Beg to differ, but it was the Lakers’ double-team defense that adjusted Dallas’ game plan, not coach Jason Kidd.

*Damar Hamlin died on the field. Then he went to the hospital in critical condition. Then he got rid of the breathing tube. Then he exhibited mental alertness. Then the tweeted. Then he talked. Then he went home. All, mind you, in the span of 10 days. And all, mind you, without this crucial question being answered: What caused his near-fatal injury? Whether it was blunt-force trauma to the wrong place at the wrong time, or an underlying health condition, or something else, I think America – which poured countless thoughts and prayers and a tangible $8.8 million into Hamlin – deserves to know. Right?

*Allow me to report these DFW radio ratings without judgment or bias or opinion or even the tiniest hint of a smirk. Bottom line: 97.1 The Freak is, shall we say, yet to catch on. The new sports (non-sports, wink) station remains a distant third in the coveted demo of Men 25-54 during the prime-time hours Monday-Friday 6a-7p.

NOVEMBER (Oct. 13-Nov. 9)

Ticket 6.8 (2nd overall in DFW)/ Fan 4.3 (7th)/ Freak 1.3 (25th)

DECEMBER (Nov. 10-Dec. 7)

Ticket 8.3 (1st)/ Fan 3.9 (10th)/ Freak 1.2 (26th)

*Today I think I’ll waltz under a ladder and invite a black cat to cross my path while strategically dropping a mirror. Why? 1. Lots of free time, apparently. 2. Because I don’t fear Friday the 13th any more than I do Saturday the 14th. Paraskevidekatriaphobia is as irrational as it is impossible to spell. Looked up the origin of fearing Friday the 13th and it seems that in The Bible 13 guests attended Jesus’ “Last Supper” and … thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

*Georgia 65, TCU 7 made me wonder: Would you rather your team lose a championship game on a last-second score, or by colossal blowout? Give me the beatdown, because “we didn’t play our best” seems an easy crutch to lean on. Georgia looked like a good Sunday team; TCU an average Saturday team.

*Received a nice watch for a Christmas gift. But why is one on the wall called a “clock” and one on your wrist a “watch”? Unless I’m missing something obvious, they do the exact same thing. “Wrist clock” should be sufficient.

*If you promise it won’t trigger your PTSD by remembering Buccaneers 19, Cowboys 3 from 18 long weeks ago, I took notes.

*Hot.

*Not.

*Why is Dallas defensive coordinator Dan Quinn such a hot commodity? Because the Cowboys led the league in takeaways in 2021 (34) and 2022 (33), the first defense to do so in consecutive seasons since Pittsburgh’s famed “Steel Curtain” in 1973-74. That’s why.

*Doncic might as well had been the Cowboys’ No. 77 – Tyron Smith – Thursday night they way he was being blocked and sometimes tackled. A LeBron James shoulder to the chest. An “accidental” flailing arm to the face by Westbrook. Limping on a gimpy left ankle in the third quarter. And an inexplicable flagrant-foul body block by Westbrook in overtime. The Mavs wouldn’t have won without Christian Wood’s blocks or Spencer Dinwiddie’s dunks or … Luka’s perseverance.

*Luka’s final numbers from a two-night stint against the Clippers/Lakers at L.A.’s Crypto.com Arena this week: 96 minutes. 78 points. 26-of-50 shooting. 7-of-18 3s. 19-of-28 free throws. 25 rebounds. 20 assists. 3 steals. 8 turnovers. A plus/minus of +1. 1 win. 1 loss.

*Universal Studios announced this week it will open a theme park in Frisco, highlighted by 100 acres and a hotel with 300 rooms. We blinked, and Frisco grew into Arlington.

*Dickey’s should just give away free barbecue for a year and be done with it. The Dallas-based company – the largest barbecue franchise in the U.S. with 146 locations in Texas – has been ordered to pay $2.3 million to customers whose data was breached and released on the dark web.

*First(ish) to worst(ish): This season Texas A&M’s Jimbo Fisher became the first college football coach to have his team ranked in the Top 6 in the preseason and finish unranked – three times. Happened in 2017 at Florida State and the last two seasons for the Aggies.

*Speaking of Aggie jokes, quarterback Zach Calzada’s woebegone journey has taken him from starting in College Station, to Auburn (where he never took a snap), and now to … Incarnate Word, where he’ll play small-school football in San Antonio next season.

*A 23-year-old SMU student is the most decorated Karate brown belt in America, while also already being a black belt. I’m honestly not sure what I just typed, other than to rest assured that Steffen Banta is a guy not to be trifled with.

*Despite being 0-7 against Tampa’s fairly successful quarterback, the Cowboys are at least pretending not to be spooked. Jerry Jones refers to it as the “Brady thing”, while defensive end DeMarcus Lawrence is bending the laws of optimism: “It’s 2023. He ain’t beat us this year.”

*Looked up this week to see an ESPN Sportscenter anchored by two guys named Matt Barrie and Brian Custer. Not that long ago they were reporters in DFW stations: Barrie at NBC5 and Custer at CBS 11. Sometimes we forget that Fox NFL anchor Curt Menefee is also a local alum that once hosted a radio show on The Ticket.

*Fox, by the way, has one of the most impressive winning streaks in all of sports. It’s “NFL Sunday” studio offering has been the most-watched pre-game show for 29 consecutive years.

*Why can’t we just start in Heaven and skip all the trial and tribulation – and cancer! – down here on Earth?

*Dak Prescott tied (with the Texans’ Davis Mills) for the most interceptions in the NFL with 15 … despite missing five games. Ouch.

*Despite the short-term picks and the lack of individual awards or team success, you can see Dak all over TV endorsing Sleep Number mattresses or DirecTV or Campbell’s Soup, etc. Now, quick, tell me the last time you saw Lamar Jackson in a commercial? The 2019 NFL MVP doesn’t have an agent. He also doesn’t play for America’s Team.

*While courting Odell Beckham Jr. earlier this season, Jerry said the receiver’s character wasn’t a cause for concern. “Not one bit,” Jones said. He should probably watch OBJ’s “character” on display while getting ejected from an airplane last November.

*Barry Switzer did it. Jim Harbaugh came close. Kliff Kingsbury didn’t. For the most part, hotshot college colleges flop trying to transition to the NFL. The records of recent failures: Kingsbury 28-37. Matt Rhule 11-27. Urban Meyer 2-11. Chip Kelly 26-21. Doug Marrone 15-17. Greg Schiano 11-21. Bobby Petrino 3-10. Nick Saban 15-17. Steve Spurrier 12-20. Butch Davis 24-35.

*If there’s any space left on Luka’s resume, stuff this one on there: He’s the first player ever to average 40 points, 10 rebounds and eight assists over a 10-game stretch.

*Micah Parsons is twice the defensive lineman he was a year ago. No, really. In 2021 he played 374 snaps on the line and 498 at linebacker. This season: 738 at DL and only 171 at LB.

*Guns don’t shoot Texas teachers, 6-year-old with guns shoot Texas teachers. That’s right, I said a 6-year-old.

*Jerry says Monday night’s result will have no bearing on the future of coach Mike McCarthy. Maybe, but what if it’s a loss as gut-wrenching and mismanaged as last year’s Wild Card loss. 14 penalties and a final, futile play ring a bell?

*This Weekend? Friday let’s go … bowling? Saturday let’s help a friend … move? Sunday let’s spend watching NFL playoffs in the … hospital? As always, don’t be a stranger.

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