DeMar DeRozan Talks 'Making Sense' of Time with Spurs & Ensuing Depression

DeRozan had a career year with the Bulls last season after falling out of the NBA spotlight with the Spurs.

In some ways, DeMar DeRozan was never supposed to end up with the San Antonio Spurs.

After San Antonio elected to trade disgruntled star Kawhi Leonard and longtime swingman Danny Green to the Toronto Raptors in 2018 for a returning haul that shocked many around the league, DeRozan and Spurs center Jakob Poeltl unexpectedly found themselves in the Alamo City.

DeRozan had spent all nine of his NBA seasons with the Raptors. The franchise's all-time leader in points (13,296), minutes (22,986), and games played (675), the Compton native was destined to be a Raptor for life. 

Until he wasn't. Even after three-straight 50-win seasons before his departure, DeRozan found himself as the doubted star of a team that was stuck in No Man's Land with no real end in sight. 

And yet, with a consistently positive approach and a heart for the game that made him become a long-time Spurs fan favorite, DeRozan embraced the unexpected path during his three years in San Antonio. 

His decision to leave the team last offseason for a potential contender wasn't met with the familiar feelings of betrayal that Spurs fans were still trying to become accustomed with, as DeRozan, 32, signed a three-year, $81.9 million with the Chicago Bulls. 

On the most recent episode of The Draymond Green Show, DeRozan opened up about his mindset prior to the exit and the dark place he entered as he sat in an uncertain limbo during the free agency process last offseason.

"(Last) summer coming up going into free agency ... it didn't go as planned," DeRozan said. "That kind of brought so much doubt in for me, it put me in a dark place because I started to question like 'alright, where am I going now? What player am I going to be?' So many of these questions started to creep in and a lot of people don't realize."

An open advocate for mental health, DeRozan has been open about his previous battles with anxiety and depression. Similar feelings of angst crept in as he journeyed into another unknown space. 

"Big names always kinda sign in the first day or two," he said. "I went a couple days into free agency with still such a question mark. Was I gonna go somewhere on a one-year deal? Was I gonna take the minimum? The narrative of it ... it put me in such a f***** up place. I remember through that whole time it was three, four days I didn't leave out the room. I didn't see the sunset, I didn't see the sun come up ... I was depressed, it put me in a depressed mindset cause I didn't know what the f*** was gonna happen."

The now five-time All-Star admitted he was looking toward the next stage of his career after San Antonio. For an elite veteran in his position, there was no way toward the NBA mountaintop with a once successful franchise that was on the way to the bottom.

The Los Angeles Lakers were an option that seemed like a lock. But instead, he chose Chicago, and led the injury-ridden Bulls to their first playoff appearance in five years. 

"For me, my three years in San Antonio ... it was a such a question mark for me of trying to figure out the next phase of myself," DeRozan said. "Being in a place for so long - obviously Toronto - and feeling like the franchise and all of a sudden you get knocked down back to humble beginnings. Doubt come in, questions come in, especially when you see a certain type of narrative that follow you, 'can't do this, this, this, this' all down the line. It takes a toll on you." 

The mental toll DeRozan refers to was heightened by his lack of league-wide recognition with the Spurs despite performing at a high level. He posted All-Star numbers as a Spur, with a combined three-year average of 21.6 points, 5.3 rebounds, 6.2 assists, and one steal per contest in 206 games. 

Yet, no All-Star recognition. No All-NBA nods. The doubt wasn't all in his head. 

Still, DeRozan continued to look toward his "next opportunity." He wanted something worthwhile to come out of his surprising arrival to San Antonio. 

"There used to be moments where overnight I wish I could do something right now to change this whole narrative," he said. "I told myself my whole time in San Antonio, 'whenever I get my next opportunity, I'm gonna make it make sense' while I was in this position for three years being in San Antonio." 

DeRozan enters his 14th year in the league after averaging a career-high 27.9 points to go along with 5.2 rebounds, 4.9 assists and 50 percent shooting as the bonafide leader for the 46-36 Bulls last season. 

A dark horse contender in a strong Eastern Conference this upcoming season, DeRozan will be one of the leaders on a rising Chicago team, as he continues to search for solace in a career that has taken him down multiple winding roads. 

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You can follow Zach Dimmitt on Twitter at @ZachDimmitt7

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