White Blank Page

I miss my family.

I miss my family.

That sounds like a ridiculous statement, considering less than a month ago, I moved back home to Vancouver and am closer than ever to my big Italian dynasty.

But today, I woke up to a notification from Facebook with a reminder of the picture I posted last year on this day. A stunning portrait of my whole crew with the above statement, too.

Sadly, I haven’t even been able to see them all just yet. Thanks to COVID cases ramping up in the area, we’ve been ordered to stay within our own comfortable cohorts. And yes, I know there’s FaceTime. But I’m definitely a hugger and a tiny LED screen of a talking head isn’t going to suffice.

I’ve realized I’m like Tinker Bell. Without oodles of love and attention, a part of me starts to fade away into nothing. At least that’s how it feels. I know…I’m overly dramatic.

Hear me out, though: I have four nephews. Two from my sister and two from my brother. I’ve spent a bit of time with my bro and his fam jam recently, so of course I stole all the cuddles in the world from his four-year-old and 20-monther. Yup, we decorated hundreds of sugar cookies in preparation for the Christmas holidays.

We’re pretty much my mom’s elves.

Anyway, I haven’t had the same connection with my other two nephews, yet. No hugs. No movie nights. No copious amounts of candy while playing Animal Crossing in the same room for once. We meet up online all the time, but it’s just not the same.

The twinkle in their beautiful blue eyes makes me feel whole again.

Okay, I’m probably at that age where my own little family would be pretty, pretty awesome. I think baby fever is real thing. And lately, I daydream about having a cute bump, and then BOOM! A tiny human to hold and dress up in the most adorable 49ers attire.

I’m sure you’re very surprised to know that my child is going to be part of the 49ers Faithful. I can’t wait for the day when I post a photo of myself on Twitter in a cherry red tank top with the words “Future Faithful” followed by a golden arrow pointing to my belly.

Let’s pump the brakes, Cryssy. Better start talking sports or you’ll lose the armchair quarterbacks in the room. Oh, darn.

I digress, the above story connects to this whole rant. But just like the 49ers 10-0 run against the Saints yesterday, I had to start off with a bang and talk about baby making. A Band-Aid baby, if you will—those are supposed to fix things, right?

This time last year, I had been living in Toronto for just over two months. I went to the dark side of Canada to attend a sports broadcasting program and was in the thick of exam season. My new bestie Tay and I were about to record our fourth podcast episode (I’ll let you guys find that hidden gem on your own, ha!) and I probably slept a total of eight hours per week. My boyfriend and I were fighting more than we ever had in our relationship. I was stretched thinner than Jim Harbaugh’s patience. Life felt heavier than usual, so naturally I was missin’ my west coast famiglia.

Despite all the chaos in my corner of the world, the 49ers were 8-1 on this date one year ago and eying another W against the Cards on the horizon.

Things were Gucci on the gridiron.

I think about the 2019 season like an old fling. The Great White Buffalo of my 49ers love affairs: the season that got away. He’s nowhere to be found this year, though. We’ve all been ghosted by Jimmy Garoppolo and the “Feels Great, Baby” boys.

We can sit here and blame it on the pesky IR bug. I blame that dude all the time. But having a 4-6 record sucks when you’re used to [almost] 9-1. Enough with the excuses, it’s time to hold ourselves accountable.

I’m looking at you, Kyle Shanahan.

Now, let me prelude this because I absolutely adore Shanny. I love his Shanahats and I appreciate his boss-ass moves as an offensive coordinator. He’s worked magic in big games before and if you need any proof of that, please type “49ers vs. Saints 2019” into your YouTube search bar.

Something’s missing, though.

This NFL season has been a disaster. COVID literally destroyed families both on-and-off the field. Heck, I had to move home to be closer to mine because it’s terrifying to be 4339.9 kilometers away from your loved ones during a global pandemic. And even though I’m back home, I still feel like there’s 4339.9 kilometers separating me from my family. We haven’t had our usual big dinner together. We haven’t even hugged.

We’re closer than ever, and yet, I’ve never felt so alone.

Maybe the 49ers miss their families, too.

When I lived in Toronto, I found myself looking at my Facebook memories every day as if pictures from the past would somehow heal my state of loneliness.

It doesn’t.

I’m sure Shanny and the team reminisce about last season all the time. They probably look at photos and re-watch film, just like we do. We retreat to YouTube to look up our favourite moments from 2019:

· Bosa’s Flag Plant

· “Feel’s Great, Baby” Jimmy G post-game with Erin Andrews

· Don’t forget about Dre Greenlaw vs. the Seahawks

· Jerry Rice’s giant 49ers chain

· Kyle Shanahan holding the NFC champs trophy proudly like his first-born

· Kittle taking those Saints for a pony ride/his NFC champion post-game T-shirt ft. a shirtless Jimmy Garoppolo

Now more than ever, I still hold onto all of those memories. It’s okay to light a candle in a dark room, especially during what feels like an endless storm. But at some point, we need to install a flippin' generator.

If the 49ers become complacent with their identity this season, they will crumble. We’re already seeing just that. The familiar faces of our Super Bowl soldiers are either sitting on the sidelines or rehabbing in their hometown with family close by.

Some players were even foolishly traded away. I’ll let you figure that one out, though.

So if this Next Man Up vibe is real and lives within each new 49er to don the SF logo, we need to adopt a new mentality: the White Blank Page of football. Take note from Mumford & Sons and let’s just start fresh.

Here's what went wrong in Sunday's game, in my humble and very opinionated opinion:

Kyle Shanahan has clearly never played Madden 21 before.

I’m no pro at the game, but one thing I’ve learned through countless play calling mistakes is that you never, EVER run the ball when you’re 3rd and 18. If you had Raheem Mostert in there, sure. Run the ball. That guy can carry the ball for 80-plus yards in one drive.

Jet McKinnon—as much as I was hype for him—had 18 carries for a pathetic 33 yards against New Orleans. He’s obviously not the team's saviour at running back.

Instead, Shanny should take a few pages out of Robert Saleh’s adjustments. He’s somehow scraped together a decent defense, despite missing key pieces like big, bad Bosa, Solly Thomas, and Uncle Sherm. Guess what? The 49ers are still ranked 5th overall in D and 10th in points allowed per game.

Javon Kinlaw recorded his first sack of the season, aye! That felt nice, didn't it?

Okay, the 49ers don’t have Jimmy Garoppolo (and some of y'all are still pumped about that), but they’ve got Nick Mullens—a quarterback who has the ability to shine in Shanny’s style of offense.

Side note: Nicky boy, you’re better than two interceptions! Stop playing like a backup QB. 

You have Brandon flippin’ Aiyuk’s 81 inches of what dream arms are made of. You’ll have Deebo Samuel back soon enough. Hell, you have Richie James Jr., who somehow is better in one game than Dante Pettis was his entire time with the 49ers (just please keep him off special teams). 

Pair that with Jordan Reed, who can literally catch a ball with his pinkie finger.

Mullens, you’re the starter now. You beat out C.J. Beathard for the job and you have the power to be the quarterback this team needs. If you need a reference, just look up your own stats from the Giants game this year.

Lastly, the offensive line left me pretty much speechless. They ALL need to play better and protect the QB like he’s their pregnant baby mama.

We can’t lean on the past anymore. 

Staring at old photographs and videos feels comforting in the moments of despair, but at some point, this team needs to move forward. The reality is we aren’t the 2019 San Francisco 49ers.

And that’s honestly okay.

I moved back home to be close to my family and COVID decided to hit the pause button on my triumphant reunion with them. Just because I can’t hold my handsome nephews for the time being doesn’t mean I should pop out a baby to fill the void.

The same can be said about these 49ers. Sure, the entire family can’t be together right now; however, they’re closer than ever before to being whole again.

It’s natural to fall apart when it feels like the people who hold us together are miles away. Family is forever, though. You don’t just jump ship when the waves roar. You hold on a tad tighter and take a Xanax. Or maybe five.

That white blank page is waiting for some red and gold paint. It's time to pick up the brush, boys.

And for the love of football, if you're playing against the Saints ever again, put at least four defenders on Alvin Kamara. 

I never want to hear that dude's name again.