Peyton Manning Week: Commercials Were Almost as Good as his Game

If there was a commercial Hall of Fame for sports celebrities, quarterback Peyton Manning would be a first-ballot inductee. Popular pitches included MasterCard "Priceless" ads as well as wearing a fake mustache and bragging about his "laser rocket arm" for Sprint. But his funniest spot was an NFL/United Way spoof when he hosted Saturday Night Live in 2007.

INDIANAPOLIS — Perhaps it should have been considered the highest form of flattery that the rival New England Patriots tried to get Peyton Manning off his game by showing the Indianapolis Colts quarterback one of his commercials.

During an early TV timeout before a Colts offensive series in a game at Foxborough, Mass., the Gillette Stadium video boards incited Patriots fans by showing Manning’s Sprint commercial, the one where he’s wearing a fake mustache and refers to his “laser rocket arm.”

As most in a sellout crowd made their displeasure known with loud boos, players on both sides looked up at the screens and started laughing.

The moment was an undeniable reminder of the Manning brand as one of the most popular pitch men in sports history. The last laugh was on anyone who made fun of him, considering Manning was still making as much as $15 million per year from endorsements, according to Forbes in 2016.

It's Day 1 of Peyton Manning week at SI 🙌

Before Tom Brady left New England, Peyton's NFL free agency was one of the most discussed in decades. @Peter_King had the scoop in 2012 and came on 'The Record' to share how Manning to the Broncos came to be: https://t.co/rZ0x9JrXNB pic.twitter.com/NnCMr5bRM7

— Sports Illustrated (@SInow) May 18, 2020

His MasterCard “Priceless” ads were classics, as he turns the tables on normal people and cheers their work.

“Say it with me! Say it with me! Here we go! Let’s go, insurance adjusters, let’s go! Let’s go, insurance adjusters, let’s go!” Manning chants outside an office.

Then there’s the infamous deli chant while watching a sandwich made, “Cut that meat! Cut that meat!”

The 30-second ad ends with Manning standing above people leaving work.

“You’re my favorite accountant! Tommy, please!” he said, holding his hand down to be slapped. “Johnny, please, you’re on my fantasy team! You’re my favorite worker!” When Johnny gives him a slap of the left hand, Manning screams, “Yes! Woo-hoo!” He looks and then shows that left hand. “Yeah, yeah, right here. Never going to wash that hand. Look at this right here.”

“He just nailed his lines,” said Brian Connors, MasterCard’s director of brand development who attended the shooting. “He’s great because he’s every man’s quarterback. But he’s also a regular guy. I was so impressed with the way he carried himself, how cool he was and what a gentleman he is. It’s no wonder people like him.”

The “Priceless” series continued with another in which he asked a grocery store worker to “Sign my melon,” and another where bike-riding Bobby the newspaper boy backhands a paper through the window of a coffee-swigging Manning’s house. Manning unfazed and offers a reassuring compliment that the kid “has the best arm in the neighborhood.”

His best ad, however, was a fake one. When Manning hosted Saturday Night Live on March 24, 2007, he was absolutely hilarious in an NFL/United Way spoof. He’s playing football with kids, but takes it too seriously.

Heads up #Colts fans...the Peyton Manning episode of SNL will re-air on NBCSN next Tuesday at 8p. NBCSN will be re-airing athlete-hosted editions of SNL all week next week.

— Greg Rakestraw (@gregrakestraw) May 20, 2020

After checking out of a play in his normal pre-snap routine, he rifles a pass that drills an unaware kid in the butt and knocks the boy down.

“Get your head out of your ass! Suck!” Manning yells, feigning disgust. Then he orders the dejected receiver to “go sit in a Port-o-let for 20 minutes.” When the kid peeks out later, Manning screams, “Why is the door open?! Close the door!”

His extreme expectations of another youngster prompt the criticism, “OK, I’m sorry – do you want to lose? I throw, you catch. It’s not that hard, OK? Get the (bleep) out of here.”

He shows the group how to break into a car, then a siren sends everybody scurrying away with Manning yelling, “Cops! Cops!”

When a boy is wincing through the pain of getting a Manning tattoo, the passer enviously says, “It’s going to be there forever.”

The narrator’s summation: “Spend time with your kids, so Peyton Manning doesn’t.”

His SNL monologue came out firing, as well, when Manning said, “It’s been a fun year for me, as I have accomplished two of my life goals. One, I’ve appeared in over half of America’s television commercials. And two, my team, the Colts, won the Super Bowl.”

He continued to poke fun at himself with a smooth self-deprecating delivery in mentioning a visit to a Boston veteran’s hospital to talk to 85-year-old patient Joe O’Malley.

“Peyton, what do Tom Brady and the circus have in common?” Manning said, repeating an O’Malley question that referred to the New England quarterback. “I said, ‘What’s that Joe?’ He said, ‘They both have two more rings than you do.’”

Immediate applause quickly died down and some actually booed.

“Joe, I just kind of want to say thanks,” Manning said, “because of that comment I’m gonna go back and work hard to be sure and kick y’all’s ass next year!”

All of his favorite commercials can be found on the Internet like Nationwide’s “Chicken Parm.” There’s a couple of spots with brother Eli Manning as they tour ESPN headquarters and Peyton gives Eli a back kick to the butt, and a DirecTV commercial where the brothers are trying to rap. One that often gets overlooked is his Universal Studios spot as he tours Walt Disney World.

What’s the best way to wrap up a summary of Manning’s entertaining ads? With another from MasterCard, where he’s visiting hotels in NFL cities before games. Each interaction with staff is intended to be insulting, but a good-natured Manning takes the barbs as helpful advice.

On an elevator in New England, the attendant assures, “You’re going down, Manning.”

He responds, “That’s right, I am. Fourth floor, getting a massage today. I’m excited.”

An employee in Cleveland brings a fruit basket to his room and mutters, “Don’t choke on it.”

Manning smiles and says, “Good call. I’ll just cut it up and put it into a fruit salad or something.”

On a balcony in San Diego, looking out at the ocean and sipping his coffee, he offers a “Morning” to a cleaning lady who snickers, “Take a hike.”

He expresses his appreciation with, “You know I’m going to do that? The weather here is swe-e-et. Nice!”

Manning starts stretching for that hike.

(Phillip B. Wilson has covered the Indianapolis Colts for more than two decades and authored the 2013 book 100 Things Colts Fans Should Know & Do Before They Die. He’s on Twitter @pwilson24, on Facebook at @allcoltswithphilb and @100thingscoltsfans, and his email is phillipbwilson24@yahoo.com.)