NFL Power Rankings: One Useful Holiday Gift for Each Team

‘Tis the season and The MMQB is in the giving mood. Here’s one present for every franchise before the start of a new year—returns not accepted.

The holiday season is here and with it, SI's suggestions for the most useful gifts for each NFL team. / Gregory Fisher-Imagn Images

For those who have something to celebrate this holiday season, I hope you enjoy the coming days and weeks with friends, family and other important people in your life. This NFL season, we tried to expand the power rankings into more than just a weekly staple and make it feel like a full Sunday column breakdown with more analysis, film and insight than ever. It’s been a fun project to work on and one I greatly enjoy. I hope some of you out there liked it, too. 

With that in mind, this week we’re going to be brief. Not only do we have to make Christmas magic happen at this house, but travel schedules, packed social calendars and never-ending to-do lists mean you probably don’t have time to read a full 4,000-word power rankings. So, at the suggestion of my editor, John Pluym, we’ll simply offer each team on this list a gift for the holidays we think would be useful. 

Thanks again for coming back. We’ll see you on the other side: 

1. Buffalo Bills (12–3)

Last week’s ranking: No. 1
Last week’s result: beat New England, 24–21
This week: vs. New York Jets

A mild, balmy winter to allow for any and all necessary practices leading up to the playoffs. 

2. Detroit Lions (13–2)

Last week’s ranking: No. 3
Last week’s result: beat Chicago, 34–17
This week: at San Francisco

A titanium leg for Aidan Hutchinson. 

3. Kansas City Chiefs (14–1)

Last week’s ranking: No. 4
Last week’s result: beat Houston, 27–19
This week: at Pittsburgh

The incoming and outgoing Presidential administrations setting up a pardoning showdown over the wolf-mask wearing, bank robbing Chiefs superfan. 

4. Minnesota Vikings (13–2)

Last week’s ranking: No. 5
Last week’s result: beat Seattle, 27–24
This week: vs. Green Bay

A new addition to the groundskeeping staff. 

5. Philadelphia Eagles (12–3)

Last week’s ranking: No. 2
Last week’s result: lost to Washington, 36–33
This week: vs. Dallas

A Nick Foles–Carson Wentz style arc in which Kenny Pickett takes over for Jalen Hurts and leads the Eagles to a Super Bowl. 

6. Green Bay Packers (11–4)

Last week’s ranking: No. 6
Last week’s result: beat New Orleans, 34–0
This week: at Minnesota

A better Hallmark movie than the Chiefs one, centered around Green Bay’s quarterback called: A Second Chance at Love.

Tucker hasn't missed a kick in Baltimore's last two games since the bye week. / Tommy Gilligan-Imagn Images

7. Baltimore Ravens (10–5)

Last week’s ranking: No. 8
Last week’s result: beat Pittsburgh, 34–17
This week: at Houston

More continued success for Justin Tucker, who has not missed a kick since the bye week!

8. Pittsburgh Steelers (10–5)

Last week’s ranking: No. 7
Last week’s result: lost to Baltimore, 34–17
This week: vs. Kansas City

Indoor/outdoor transition aviators for Mike Tomlin. 

9. Washington Commanders (10–5)

Last week’s ranking: No. 9
Last week’s result: beat Philadelphia, 36–33
This week: vs. Atlanta

A new stadium paid for by the organization with a press box that isn’t in the visiting team’s locker room bathroom. 

10. Los Angeles Rams (9–6)

Last week’s ranking: No. 10
Last week’s result: beat New York Jets, 19–9
This week: vs. Arizona

Tyler Higbee playing the late-season hero in a series of unpredictable Rams victories on the way to the conference title game. 

11. Houston Texans (9–6)

Last week’s ranking: No. 12
Last week’s result: at Kansas City, 27–19
This week: vs. Baltimore

New uniforms. Like, really new uniforms. The Texans have the least-dazzling, most Tommy Hilfiger polo-looking uniforms in the NFL. Let’s surprise them for Christmas with a totally new color scheme.

12. Los Angeles Chargers (9–6)

Last week’s ranking: No. 14
Last week’s result: beat Denver, 34–27
This week: at New England

Roughly 11 compensatory draft picks for Jim Harbaugh to completely overhaul the front end of this roster. 

13. Miami Dolphins (7–8)

Last week’s ranking: No. 20
Last week’s result: beat San Francisco, 29–17
This week: at Cleveland

A Mike McDaniel contract extension. 

14. Denver Broncos (9–6)

Last week’s ranking: No. 13
Last week’s result: lost to Los Angeles Chargers, 34–27
This week: at Cincinnati 

A sequel to the Kevin James as Sean Payton movie in which half of those Bountygate kids come and play receiver and running back for the Broncos. 

Burrow has powered Cincinnati to three straight wins, keeping the team on the cusp of the playoff picture. / Katie Stratman-Imagn Images

15. Cincinnati Bengals (7–8)

Last week’s ranking: No. 22
Last week’s result: beat Cleveland, 24–6
This week: vs. Denver

A continued open-mindedness from the higher-ups to allow Joe Burrow to keep buying swords and other weapons for his offensive linemen. 

16. Indianapolis Colts (7–8)

Last week’s ranking: No. 19
Last week’s result: beat Tennessee, 38–30
This week: at New York Giants

An actual blue horse. Like, just a naturally blue horse that is happy to live in the stadium and walk around on the sidelines. How intimidating would that be?

17. Atlanta Falcons (8–7)

Last week’s ranking: No. 18
Last week’s result: beat New York Giants, 34–7
This week: at Washington

A Michael Penix–led playoff appearance that features no receiver drops. 

18. Seattle Seahawks (8–7)

Last week’s ranking: No. 15
Last week’s result: lost to Minnesota, 27–24
This week: at Chicago

Two normal victories that are never strangely in doubt at any point in time. 

19. Tampa Bay Buccaneers (8–7)

Last week’s ranking: No. 11
Last week’s result: lost to Dallas, 26–24
This week: vs. Carolina

Two hands on the ball.  

20. Arizona Cardinals (7–8)

Last week’s ranking: No. 17
Last week’s result: lost to Carolina, 36–30
This week: at Los Angeles Rams

Obviously, a freakin’ touchdown reception for Trey McBride. 

21. San Francisco 49ers (6–9)

Last week’s ranking: No. 16
Last week’s result: lost to Miami, 29–17
This week: vs. Detroit

An evil geneticist who can clone a younger Trent Williams five more times. Six total for jumbo packages. 

22. Dallas Cowboys (7–8)

Last week’s ranking: No. 21
Last week’s result: beat Tampa Bay, 26–24
This week: at Philadelphia

Jerry Jones coming to the realization that, after forcing everyone on his staff to play under one-year contracts because he was unsure about them (but not unsure enough to pay them for a year of not working), he may now need to sign them all to new five-year contracts for the right to be unsure about them.

23. New Orleans Saints (5–10)

Last week’s ranking: No. 23
Last week’s result: lost to Green Bay, 34–0
This week: vs. Las Vegas

A new toilet in the coaches’ restroom. That, or a few Amazon gift cards for the Superdome plumbing crew. 

Dave Canales (left) and quarterback Bryce Young (9) impressed in this week's overtime win against the Arizona Cardinals. / Bob Donnan-Imagn Images

24. Carolina Panthers (4–11)

Last week’s ranking: No. 26
Last week’s result: beat Arizona, 36–30
This week: at Tampa Bay

A prime-time game early in the 2025 season. It’s time for Dave Canales to get the glowing Cris Collinsworth treatment. 

25. New York Jets (4–11)

Last week’s ranking: No. 24
Last week’s result: lost to Los Angeles Rams, 19–9
This week: at Buffalo

A time machine to travel back to a few weeks ago and stop themselves from firing the head coach while a game out of first place. That, or Madden 25. 

26. Chicago Bears (4–11)

Last week’s ranking: No. 25
Last week’s result: lost to Detroit, 34–17
This week: vs. Seattle

Siri: What is the strongest alcohol for people who want to forget? (192 proof!)

Mayo and the Patriots nearly upset the Bills this week, falling just short of the win on the road. / Gregory Fisher-Imagn Images

27. New England Patriots (3–12)

Last week’s ranking: No. 28
Last week’s result: lost to Buffalo, 24–21
This week: vs. Los Angeles Chargers

A stand-up comedy class for Jerod Mayo, who could use some B-material aside from railroading his offensive coordinator or insulting the toughness of his football team. 

28. Tennessee Titans (3–12)

Last week’s ranking: No. 30
Last week’s result: lost to Indianapolis, 38–30
This week: at Jacksonville

A time machine to travel back to 2022 and stop the firings in subsequent years of Jon Robinson and Mike Vrabel.  

29. Cleveland Browns (3–12)

Last week’s ranking: No. 29
Last week’s result: lost to Cincinnati, 24–6
This week: vs. Miami

A faction of Browns’ legends post-1999 to join together, rise up and purchase the franchise. Who says no to a Kelly Holcomb/Rob Chudzinski/Butch Davis/Kevin Johnson board of directors? 

30. Las Vegas Raiders (3–12)

Last week’s ranking: No. 31
Last week’s result: beat Jacksonville, 19–14
This week: at New Orleans

A healthy Kirk Cousins and eight wins in 2024 instead of Shedeur Sanders. 

31. Jacksonville Jaguars (3–12)

Last week’s ranking: No. 27
Last week’s result: lost to Las Vegas, 19–14
This week: vs. Tennessee 

A new coach who will actually be excited to answer questions from John Shipley and the rest of the perfectly lovely Jacksonville press corps. 

32. New York Giants (2–13)

Last week’s ranking: No. 32
Last week’s result: lost to Atlanta, 34–7
This week: vs. Indianapolis

A Christmasgram for a very stressed Brian Daboll.  

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