Jimmy Garoppolo Moving to Houston Texans? 'A Wild-Ass Guess'

"It’s a hunch. A loose reading of tea leaves that may not even be tea leaves. A connecting of fairly obvious dots. An application of Occam’s razor to Lovie Smith’s beard.''

In what might be the goofiest transaction prediction ever, a regurgitated rumor has Jimmy Garoppolo being acquired by the Houston Texans.

How? Why?

It's "a wild-ass guess,'' reports ProFootballTalk.com, continuing its offseason-long push for this thing to happen.

Writes PFT: "It’s a hunch. A loose reading of tea leaves that may not even be tea leaves. A connecting of fairly obvious dots. An application of Occam’s razor to Lovie Smith’s beard.''

That's an odd pile of non-journalistic gibberish. But is PFT on to something?

PFT cites the New England connection. But it also must be noted ...

Martellus Bennett, Julian Edelman and Garoppolo are all long gone from the New England Patriots. But through a bizarre hate triangle via podcast, it feels like 2016 all over again. … with the unfortunate word “bitch” being used to describe the trade-block quarterback.

We say "unfortunate'' ... yet as the offseaosn drags on, and as Garoppolo continues to hang in mothballs, and as just one media outlet continues to attach him to the Texans ... maybe it explains something.

Bennett was recently a guest on Devin and Jason McCourty's "Double Coverage" podcast when he lashed out as Garoppolo as a "bitch". And, seemingly, Edelman chimed in with a co-sign of the criticism.

In 2016, remember, quarterback Tom Brady was suspended the first four games for his alleged role in "Deflategate." Garoppolo stepped in and helped the Pats win their first two games, but injured his left (non-throwing) shoulder at the end of Week 2. He then sat out the next two games as New England went 1-1 with Jacoby Brissett at quarterback.

Bennett - and Edelman - clearly haven't forgiven Garoppolo for not rubbing dirt on his injury.

"We lost two games," Bennett said on the podcast. "One of them is because Jimmy Garoppolo was being a bitch. He quit before us on the last ... decided not to play right before the game. So, we went out there, Jacoby came out and played with a f*cked-up thumb, and played his heart out. But, Jimmy was just being a bitch about it all."

But Bennett wasn't done, adding that his opinion of Jimmy G still hasn't changed six years later.

"And he's still being - like, that's why, you can't win with a bitch for a quarterback."

While we wait for former Patriots or perhaps Garoppolo's current San Francisco 49ers teammates to jump to the quarterback's defense, Edelman sided with Bennett.

He was asked about Bennett's comments on a recent episode of the "I Am Athlete" podcast and the three-time Super Bowl champion basically echoed the harsh sentiments.

"A lot of guys got mad about it," Edelman said. "I'm not going to lie, I got mad about it. I sacrifice my body all day long. I was taking shots for this, numbing up that. Ribs, broken ribs, shoulders. You know, Grade 3, hanging on by limbs, just to play. And, you know, I can understand why Marty thinks like that."

Meanwhile, the Niners are trying to trade Jimmy G, and gossip has suggested that the Texans might have interest should he be cut. We’re not buying that much, but we will note this: Texans GM Nick Caserio was with the Patriots during this alleged “bitchiness.” If he privately agrees with the assertions? It makes the gossip look that much more silly.

And if PFT is somehow right about its "wild-ass guess''? PFT will look less silly as well.