Unlocking Emotional Intelligence: The Power of Understanding Why You Feel What You Feel

By exploring the "why" behind your emotions, psychotherapist Israa Nasir shows how you can take control of your feelings, regulate your reactions, and transform your mental well-being. Learn how to harness this skill for lasting emotional clarity and resilience.

In today’s fast-paced world, emotions often get pushed aside, misunderstood, or outright ignored. But as psychotherapist and author Israa Nasir explains in her groundbreaking book Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Emotional Energy in a World That Always Demands More, the real power lies in asking why—a question that can illuminate the root of our feelings and set us on a path toward emotional clarity and empowerment.

"When you ask the question why, your first reaction is to look for an external reason," Nasir explains. This instinct often leads to assigning blame—to people, circumstances, or even bad luck. But as Nasir emphasizes, the fundamental transformation happens when you dig deeper. "If you can sit through that and make it to the next stage of why, you start to see your own accountability. And while that feels extremely uncomfortable initially, it is one of the most liberating things you can do for yourself because it gives you clarity."

Why Understanding the “Why” Matters

Emotions are complex; without understanding their origins, they can control your actions and reactions. Research in emotional intelligence has long supported this idea. According to Daniel Goleman, author of Emotional Intelligence, understanding the source of your feelings is a critical step toward emotional regulation—a skill essential for healthy relationships, decision-making, and personal growth.

Nasir highlights that finding the "why" behind emotions allows you to see your role in your experiences. Whether it's joy or misery, this deeper understanding can shift your perspective from victimhood to agency. "Questioning the why helps you understand where you can find your power and then influence change," Nasir explains. Once you achieve clarity about your role, you can start addressing both internal and external factors affecting your emotional state.

The Benefits of Asking Why

• Improved Emotional Regulation: When you know why you feel a certain way, you can better manage your reactions. For example, as Nasir points out, you might not be able to control a problematic boss. Still, you can regulate how their behavior affects you.
• Empowerment Through Accountability: Acknowledging your role in a situation allows you to regain control. This reduces feelings of helplessness and fosters a sense of agency.
• Stronger Emotional Intelligence: Understanding your emotions builds self-awareness, a cornerstone of emotional intelligence. This skill helps you navigate challenges more effectively and fosters healthier relationships.

How to Implement the “Why” Approach in Your Life

1. Pause and Reflect: The next time you feel an intense emotion, pause. Ask yourself why you feel this way. Is it the situation, or is it how you’re perceiving it?
2. Push Past Blame: Avoid the temptation to immediately blame someone or something else. Sit with the discomfort and look inward.
3. Write It Down: Journaling can help you clarify your thoughts and recognize patterns in your emotional responses.
4. Identify Patterns: Over time, notice recurring triggers and assess whether your reactions align with your values and goals.
5. Focus on Change: Once you understand the “why,” use that insight to make changes—whether in your perspective, habits, or interactions with others.

A Life-Altering Practice

Understanding the "why" behind your emotions may not be easy, but as Nasir explains, it's worth the effort. "It's a difficult thing to do, but it's so necessary. It gives you clarity and shows you where your power lies," she says. This clarity can help you create boundaries, regulate emotional responses, and ultimately lead a more empowered life.

If you’re ready to stop being a passive observer of your emotions and take charge of your mental well-being, Nasir’s book Toxic Productivity is a must-read. Through her insights and strategies, you can start asking the tough questions and unlocking a more intentional, emotionally intelligent life.

Discover more transformative insights in Israa Nasir’s book: Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Emotional Energy in a World That Always Demands More.

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