If ESPN Doesn't Cough Up Money, SEC Will Hang Hogs Out to Dry Again

From Johnny Cash to Hootie and the Blowfish and Justin Moore, there are much better options than what the league will force upon the Razorbacks

FAYETTEVILLE, Ark. – Arkansas fans had better start praying that ESPN finds some extra money hiding under the couch cushions because, if it doesn't, the Razorbacks will get the short end of the stick once again from the SEC brass.

It seems that the difference between a single permanent opponent and three permanent opponents is a matter of how big the number is at the front of a bunch of zeroes on the television check. If the money isn't right, everyone's going to pair up and Arkansas is going to get left looking like the new kid in class who moved to a new school in early February. 

There are obvious pairings, so let's get those out of the way first. 

Alabama and Auburn may hate each other, but they would burn this whole place to the ground before they would let someone else play with either of them if it's only groups of two.

Georgia and Florida and Ole Miss and Mississippi State are off the table also as their individual rivalries combine for the summer picnic most likely to end in vomit with their combination of cocktails and eggs. 

Tennessee's going to be left feeling a little awkward after excitedly skipping over to ask Alabama out on a permanent crossover only to arrive just in time to see that the Tide is deeply in love with someone else. 

That will lead to the Volunteers turning around to see Vanderbilt and Kentucky making eyes their way. In this case, the Commodores are stuck in the friend zone and Tennessee makes it ESPN official with the Wildcats.

Meanwhile, Texas is stuck in a triangle between Oklahoma and Texas A&M while Texas A&M is stuck in a triangle between Texas and LSU. As messy as this potentially is, instead of trying to properly fund local schools, a state senator from Round Rock will try to pass a bill that requires Texas and Texas A&M to play every year to keep receiving state funds while a senator from Dallas proposes the same thing, except it requires Texas to play Oklahoma.

All of this makes an LSU fan in the chamber uneasy, so he throws his weight behind the Texas vs. Oklahoma bill, so now four more teams are off the board. 

For those playing along at home, that leaves Arkansas, Missouri, South Carolina and Vanderbilt without a partner. Everyone can probably see where this is going, but let's talk this out.

Yes, there is apparently someone in the Arkansas athletic administration who is obsessed over forcing this awful fake rivalry with Missouri in football. 

Whoever that person is cares nothing for the fans of Arkansas. This idea that because two fan bases look like they're near each other on a map it should automatically make them care is one of the most short-sighted bits of reasoning ever. 

We all sat next to people in school that we had no interest in whatsoever. Just because we sat next to one another doesn't mean we hated that person or were more likely to fall in love. 

The Tigers could beat Arkansas 10 years in a row and trash the team bus during halftime and Razorback fans would still forget they exist until just before Thanksgiving. 

As for the near each other on a map idea, for a good chunk of Razorback fans, it's the same distance to Athens, Georgia as it is to Columbia. Those fans don't see the Bulldogs as a nearby team, much less one that would constitute being close enough to consider a rival, so there's no reason to think of Missouri that way either.

 With that out of the way, let's weight out those other two options for both teams. 

Vanderbilt makes a lot of sense for Missouri. 

First off, Tennessee is a border state also. It only takes one more hour to drive to Nashville than it does Fayetteville. Also, and this is no slight to Northwest Arkansas, but if you did a poll of Missouri fans asking them where they would like to spend a weekend, Nashville probably wins that vote by a wide margin because of its reputation as a tourist destination.

It's also easier and an arm and a leg less expensive to fly into Nashville. 

Flights to Nashville on Southwest from St. Louis this fall are $124 each way. There are no flights to Fayetteville on Southwest and flights on American Airlines for Missouri fans will run from $1,200 to $1,700. 

On a side note, if you want to know why Arkansas has a recruiting disadvantage in the SEC, just read that paragraph again. It's not an easy drive from any recruiting hot bed and very few can afford to fly there.

It should also be noted that Missouri and Vanderbilt have played more times than Arkansas and Missouri, have played while also having something meaningful on the line as division opponents. They also share the same colors. 

There's at least the basis for a rivalry and both would see each other as a chance to not finish at or near the bottom of the SEC. 

Imagine if those two teams had played in the final game of the season this past year. It would have been a battle to see who is going to be bowl eligible and who is going to stay home and secure a spot in the cellar of the East Division.

That would have been a game to watch. 

They also not only share a history, but it's one of close contests. They could even keep the ridiculous name given to the Arkansas-Missouri game and it still make sense. 

As for a game against South Carolina, there is recent history for Missouri. The Gamecocks and Tigers have only met one game less than Missouri and Arkansas since football began and have played way more times this century.

Much like a potential series with Vanderbilt, these two teams have played with something actually on the line as division foes, so the advantage tilts toward South Carolina over Arkansas also. 

Their games have been relatively entertaining. Half of them over the past decade have been decided by four points or less and another was only a touchdown difference.

Not only that, but it's got a built-in rivalry point. This is the battle for Columbia. 

Which is the real Columbia? 

No one outside of Columbia knows what each town is known for from a cuisine standpoint, but there's got to be a box full of something each mayor can ship to the other in the event of a loss. Either that or one mayor has to listen to Hootie and the Blowfish on loop in the office for an entire week while the other has to watch a second Missouri football game in a single season complete with Eli Drinkwitz press conference.

There is so much potential there for something real.

As for Arkansas, there was a poll of SEC schools listing which school each fan base hates most. While Razorback fans were too divided for it to show a definitive winner, Vanderbilt shockingly chose Arkansas as the program it hates the most.

Eastern and Central Arkansas would flood Nashville as it is much easier for the Hogs' fan base to make the drive down I-40 than it is whatever way you have to weave through to the top of Missouri to get to Columbia. 

Again, we're talking about a border war. While it would be a little hard to learn to hate Vanderbilt, at least it wouldn't be total apathy like there is for Missouri. 

Plus, an excuse to go to Nashville every other year is never a bad thing. If the two decide they don't want to keep the Battle Line Rivalry moniker, they could fight it out for the true home of Johnny Cash or who gets to have a say in the career of Justin Moore.

From a history standpoint, Arkansas and South Carolina have the most baggage by a mile. The two teams have met 24 times and once played each other for 22 consecutive seasons from 1992-2013. 

Both schools have so many similarities. From coming into the league together to their emotionally scarred yet highly dedicated through the worst of times fan bases,  these two schools have been in lock step while continuously being treated as second-tier members of the SEC.

There's also the Dowell Loggains connection, the transfer of Trey Knox, and the attempt to steal Shemar Easter from the Razorbacks. The series is also fairly even with Arkansas holding a 14-10 advantage and neither team going longer than three years before the other picks up a win.

There's a lot to work with in sending these two back to their ex partner. 

The point is this. If ESPN doesn't cough up the money, Arkansas fans know they aren't going to get to play one of their rivals as a permanent opponent. 

That being said, either Vanderbilt or South Carolina is fine. It's just someone else's turn to remember Missouri is on the schedule every year and to pretend to care. 

As many times as the SEC has had to write an apology letter for messing up on the field or on the court, this is their chance to make up for it in a tangible way.

The Razorbacks have paid their dues. 

Move on. 

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