Kansas Jayhawks Player Ratings to the Theme of Fictional Bobs

Kansas escapes against West Virginia to take command in the Big XII race. Let's rate some individual performances

Well, that was ugly. Way ugly.  But a win is a win and now KU holds their fate in their own hands in the last two games of the regular season. If you haven't read it, here's a fine recap to give you all the finer detail, but here, we'll move onto the ratings. The first time Kansas played West Virginia I did a ratings post comparing KU performances to famous Bobs, and I was really happy with our list, so we’re doing it again. Let’s rate the players to renowned Bobs, this time of the fictional variety. The reasoning behind our selections is as follows:

Contents

1. 5 Stars: Sideshow Bob
2. 4.5 Stars: Spongebob Squarepants
3. 4 Stars: Bob Kelso
4. 3.5 Stars: Bobby Six Killer
5. 3 Stars: Bobby Brady
6. 2 Stars: Bob Sugar from Jerry Maguire
7. 1 Star: Robert Blake in Lost Highway
8. Chris Teahan Memorial No Star:

5 Stars: Out of this world performance. This is a hard to achieve rating and is only reserved for the most impressive or impressionable performances.

4.5 Stars: Very strong performance, packed the stat sheet, provided undeniable intangibles.

4 Stars: A strong performance that falls just short of the standards above.

3.5 Stars: Above average performance, perhaps stands out in one category or one aspect of the game.

3 Stars: Average performance. Also could be a very strong game in one aspect but a very poor game in another such as 15 points but seven turnovers. Could also be that the player played, did their job, but didn't do much spectacularly.

2 Stars: Below average performance, or we simply have higher expectations for the player on this particular night.

1 Star: Rare, but if a player has a stinker in all aspects.

Memorial No Star: Named after former KU walk-on Chris Teahan and is awarded to the player(s) who didn't have enough playing time to contribute or whose performance isn't worthy of a rating for another reason.

5 Stars: Sideshow Bob

An all timer with some of the most quotable Simpson’s lines of all time. Who could forget Die Bart Die which Bob explained meant “the bart the” because when has anyone who ever spoke German done anything bad? Or when he sang the entire score of the HMS Pinafore in the Cape Fear parody. But my personal favorite is when in court, he has to retract his slander against the prison and refers to it as a “pee pee soaked heck hole.” Classic.

Dajuan Harris. Initially I didn't think that anyone deserved a five star after whatever that game was, but Harris does indeed warrant one.  Not only did he have a monster statistical game with 17 points, six assists, and six steals (and only one turnover!) but Kansas absolutely fell apart without their floor general out there in the last minute and a half and almost gave that game away. No one is more important to Kansas than Dajuan Harris.  No one.

4.5 Stars: Spongebob Squarepants

I’m not sure it really matters how old you are, you’ve probably watched at least one episode of Spongebob and laughed while doing so. Unrelated side note: the brewery we go to here in Split, Croatia has an IPA named after SpongeBob, Spužva I Bob.  It's delicious.

Kevin McCullar has been spectacular defensively late in games and this one might have been the best of the lot.  The late rip away steal was as massive a defensive play as we've seen all season.  Plus, McCullar stepped up offensively, driving to the rim with authority and making a few threes, even if that bank shot was as lucky as his defense was good.

Gradey Dick was five of nine from three point land.  That'll play and that is enough to get a high rating.  He grabbed a few monster rebounds (finished with six) and snagged two important steals.  Overall, pretty solid from the Wichita freshman.

4 Stars: Bob Kelso

One of the low key funniest characters on Scrubs, Dr. Bob Kelso just so happens to be the inventor of “who has two thumbs and doesn’t give a rat’s ---? This guy!” And if he wasn’t, he is in my book.

KJ Adams played a big role in denying West Virginia a shot attempt on the last possession of the game, but the man also filled the stat sheet offensively with 13 points, six rebounds, and five assists.  He was KU's lone effective "big" for the majority of the contest.

3.5 Stars: Bobby Six Killer

For those of you old enough (and wise enough) to have watched a lot of Renegade (it was on late at night on USA in my college years), you’ll know this name. Bobby Six Killer, the Native American bounty hunter (played by Branscombe Richmond) and friend of star Reno Raines/Vince Black (Lorenzo Lamas) is pretty overtly cartoonish, but hey, whatever it takes to move the plot forward. He drove a Hummer before it was cool or uncool to drive a Hummer. 

No one lands in the spot featuring this legend of stage and screen.

3 Stars: Bobby Brady

This kid should never have played ball in the house. The youngest Brady boy is our three star because I refuse to believe that he is anyone's favorite Brady. In fact, I'll take Alice over this guy.

Is it just me, or is Jalen Wilson pulling a sort of Ochai Agbaji and cooling off late in the year?  Even so, his accolades are all but assured, and one thing is for sure, other Jayhawks have had to step up and the team looks more cohesive.  So if Wilson is more of an 11 and 6 guy and KU keeps winning, I'm completely fine with it. Worked out ok for Ochai.

On one hand, Joe Yesufu nailed an important three before the half. On the other, more important hand, he seems intent on calling his own number and dribbling about without apparent direction at times. Is he a shooting guard? Is he a point guard? The answers seem to be no and no. Is he a spark plug?  I actually have no idea what his role is other than guy who comes on when someone is tired or in foul trouble.

2 Stars: Bob Sugar from Jerry Maguire

Jay Mohr plays a jerk pretty well, doesn’t he?

I think most Kansas fans would like Bobby Pettiford to get the minutes that Yesufu is currently taking, but Saturday's game was not a good showing.  Bobby played for four minutes and committed three turnovers and was vanquished to the far reaches of the bench for the remainder of the contest.

1 Star: Robert Blake in Lost Highway

Ok, I know I’m stretching my definition here, as this isn't a fictional character, but that guy absolutely freaked me out in that movie.

No one was a one star.

Chris Teahan Memorial No Star:

It's not really Ernest Udeh's fault that the officiating crew was looking for every reason to call an offensive foul on Kansas, including when West Virginia players get their feet tangled, but they did.  Ernest was rendered ineffective in his three minutes.

MJ Rice got a token few minutes at the end of the first half.

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