We’ve got better beer slogans for all 32 NFL teams

Bud Light has individual, team-specific slogans for 28 NFL teams. We’ve got better suggestions for all 32.

NFL fans who are counting calories and watching their wallets will be able to drink from team-specific cans of Bud Light this season. Each can comes with an individualized slogan like, “The perfect beer for chanting J-E-T-S, JETS JETS JETS.” They’re all pretty lame, which is why we came up with better ones. 

Rams: The perfect beer to remind you of St. Louis when your team moves to Los Angeles

Bengals: The perfect beer for when you’d rather be watching college football

Patriots: The perfect beer for reading a 243-page legal briefing

Seahawks: The perfect beer for forgetting to run the ball

Jets: The perfect beer to drink through a straw

Jaguars: The perfect pint for a London pub

Bears: The perfect beer for pretending it is still 1985

Vikings: The perfect beer to drink while birds try to fly through your new stadium

Packers: The perfect beer for washing down a 3,000-calorie lunch

Chiefs: The perfect beer for staying fresh past its expiration date

Giants: The perfect beer for crushing on a crowded NJ Transit train

Washington: The perfect beer to throw at Dan Snyder’s owner’s box

49ers: The perfect beer for convincing yourself you don’t need Jim Harbaugh, or Chris Borland, or Patrick Willis, or Justin Smith, or Michael Crabtree, or Frank Gore, or Mike Iupati

Colts: The perfect beer to strain through Andrew Luck’s beard

Ravens: The perfect beer for a elite quarterback

Texans: The perfect beer for watching slow motion J.J. Watt Hard Knocks montages

Lions: The perfect beer for forgetting the Matt Millen era

Titans: The perfect beer for Marcus Marioto

Falcons: The perfect beer for listening to artificial crowd noise

Browns: The perfect beer for drunk texting to the sidelines

Steelers: The perfect beer for burying your children’s participation trophies

Buccaneers: The perfect beer to pair with crab legs

Dolphins: The perfect beer for when at least you're not the Marlins

Cardinals: The perfect beer for watching other teams win championships in your stadium

Saints: The perfect beer to pound with Rob Ryan

Chargers:  The perfect beer for holding your taxpayers hostage

Raiders: The perfect beer to split with a friend when you skip town

Bills: The perfect beer to ice down your injured running backs

Broncos: The perfect beer for toasting Peyton Manning’s 40th birthday

Eagles: The perfect beer for the perfect man, Tim Tebow

Cowboys: The perfect beer for icing Dez Bryant’s face

Panthers: The perfect beer for waiting on the team to sign another receiver