French Toast: Will Spurs, Wembanyama Succeed Where Mavs Have Historically Failed?

Mavs again served French Toast, Cowboys' comical kicking search, Rangers' broken bullpen and 81-year-old swimsuit models, all in this week's DFW sports notebook.

WHITT’S END: 5.19.23

Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …

*French Disconnection: Victor(y) for the San Antonio Spurs, who won this week’s NBA Lottery and earned the right to draft 7-foot-4 French sensation Victor Wembanyama.

Here’s betting it goes better for the Spurs than it did when the Dallas Mavericks curated France for their missing piece. Anyone else remember Antoine Rigaudeau?

Where French players such as Tony Parker, Boris Diaw and Rudy Gobert have flourished in the NBA, Rigaudeau flopped. To help the Mavs compete with the Spurs, Los Angeles Lakers and Sacramento Kings in 2003, Donnie and Don Nelson signed Rigaudeau to a three-year contract. He lasted 11 games before being traded.

Come to think of it, the Mavs also whiffed on another Frenchman: Roddy Beaubois. Come to think of it even more, the Mavs also whiffed on yet another Frenchman: Tariq Abdul-Wahad. And, for that matter, also Alexis Ajinça, Howard Carter and Frank Ntilikina.

"Best" French player in franchise history: Ian Mahinmi, who appeared in only six playoff games but won a ring in 2011 as a backup center to Tyson Chandler.

C’est la vie!

*The Dallas Cowboys’ self-anointed “Lion” needs a lion tamer.

Micah Parsons is one of the NFL’s most fearsome, ferocious players. He lines up anywhere; causes havoc everywhere. Even amongst the planet’s most Type A personalities, he’s an Alpha Male.

But off the field – with his fallibly human words and actions – Parsons is diluting his fear factor and de-fanging his machismo reputation.

In recent months he regrettably agreed to a weekly TV appearance with, of all people, Skip Bayless. He apologized for jumping the gun in his reaction to the prisoner exchange that free WNBA star Brittney Griner. He enraged Cowboys fans for both openly rooting for the rival Philadelphia Eagles in the Super Bowl and momentarily claiming that he was switching from No. 11 to No. 0. He decided this offseason to train not with teammates at The Star in Frisco, but rather alone in Austin. His “Battle For Dallas” charity softball game – originally slated for June 16 in Frisco – is suddenly being rescheduled.

And this week, Parsons transformed from a Lion into a Zebra constantly changing his stripes.

He’s a basketball fan that just this season has referred to the Golden State Warriors as “we” and worn the jerseys of the Dallas Mavericks, Philadelphia 76ers and Boston Celtics. His fickleness for giddily begging Celtics’ star Jayson Tatum for a jersey just days after wearing a Sixers jersey in a game against Boston is getting harpooned. By New England Patriots’ star Matthew Judon, who called him a “fraud,” and by fans belittling him as a “groupie.”

These aren’t the actions of a strong, silent type who makes a living scaring grown men and wrecking NFL offenses. It’s more the missteps of a 23-year-old struggling to navigate the potholes of growing up in the spotlight of America’s Team.

How it started: Ferocious Lion. How it’s going: Fickle Fanboy.

*I, repeat, cannot take the Texas Rangers seriously if they’re going to continually lose games trotting out relievers Josh Sborz and Brook Burke from the broken bullpen. Remember last week when I demanded a 4-game sweep of the hideous Oakland A’s? Nope. Burke blew one of the games, and did it yet again in a soul-crushing loss to the Atlanta Braves Wednesday in Arlington. Fix it, or forget it. Impressive start be damned.

*DFW excitement scale: Cowboys in the Super Bowl – 10; Mavericks in the NBA Finals – 5; Rangers in the World Series – 4.5; Dallas Stars in the Western Conference Finals – 0.9.

*While we’re talking fringe sports, the XFL crowned its first champion in 22 years last weekend and, what do ya know, it’s the Arlington Renegades. The title game last Saturday night in San Antonio attracted a crowd of 22,754 and an ABC TV audience of 1.4 million, compared to 1.8 million for baseball on Fox and 2.0 million for hockey on ESPN.

*Was stopped dead in my tracks by three things this week: 1. How can the words “comb”, “tomb” and “bomb” not rhyme?; 2. We’re moving really, really fast, to the tune of 1,000 mph (rotating on Earth’s axis), 67,000 mph (orbiting the Sun) and 447,000 mph (moving with the Milky Way galaxy through our solar system).; 3. Sports Illustrated’s iconic swimsuit edition has totally jumped the shark. Right, 81-year-old “model” Martha Stewart?

*Safe to say the City of Arlington is not getting appropriate bang for its buck. When Jerry Jones struck a deal in 2004 to build his new stadium in Arlington, taxpayers agreed to be on the hook for around $325 million over 30 years. We’re almost two-thirds through the contract and most people in America still think the stadium is in Dallas. The misconception is being fortified by the 2026 World Cup, which is being hosted by 16 North American stadiums including AT&T Stadium in, you guessed it, “Dallas.”

Local organizers – who will find out in September if they get to host the colossal final – unveiled their brand and logo this week: “We Are Dallas.” No games will be played in Dallas. Shoot, FC Dallas doesn’t even play in Dallas. Yet, the organization’s shiny new website features the stunning skyline of, yup, Dallas. Reasons Dallas Sports Commission director Monica Paul, “It’s going to take our entire region to be successful in 2026.”

*Hot.

*Not.

*If the Cowboys had a game this Sunday their kicker would be … Tristan Vizcaino. Gone is Brett Maher, and his extra-point yips. Arriving is Vizcaino, as the only kicker under contract. According to special teams coach John Fassel, other candidates include “anybody else on Earth.” No, really. He said that.

*I wish I wasn’t insulted by this, but nonetheless here I am. Burger King is running a TV ad for its supposedly delicious hamburger, in which the customer only pretends to take a bite. Why?! There are laws against taking a drink of alcohol on the air, but not against eating food. And he’s just so smug about chewing … air. I find it so, yeah, insulting. Probably more a problem with me than Burger King, to be honest.

Apparently Burger King is so gross that its paid actors have to fake taking a bite. Dude kisses it, then starts chewing air. 🤣🤷‍♂️ pic.twitter.com/vAAaY3JCYE

— Richie Whitt (@richiewhitt) May 17, 2023

*The NBA’s Draft Lottery is really silly. No ping-pong ball drama and not even any suspenseful opening of envelopes. Just a dude in a suit holding up big cards at a podium. That said, the Mavs were relieved to keep their pick this week. Of course, at No. 10 they could get anything from 2022’s Johnny Davis (a guard who played in only 28 games for the Washington Wizards) to 1976’s Alex English (who made eight All-Star teams on his way to the Hall of Fame with the Denver Nuggets and a final season with the Mavs).

*While bemoaning the Rangers’ bullpen, I have to also give props to their starters. Specifically, the No. 1 slot occupied by Jacob deGrom and Dane Dunning. In nine “ace” starts, the Rangers are 8-1. In the lone loss they led 4-0 in the 8th inning before a meltdown by, altogether now, the bullpen.

*Sports betting is seemingly everywhere. But for the foreseeable future, it still won’t be allowed here – at least legally, wink – smack dab in the heart of the Bible Belt. Though now legal in 36 states and Washington, D.C., wagering on sporting events won’t be considered for at least another two years in Texas after ultra-conservative buzzkill Lt. Governor Dan Patrick yanked the emergency brake on a bill that seemingly had momentum in Austin. Patrick’s contextual reasoning? “We’re a red state.” New Jersey took in a whopping $2.6 billion in revenue from sports betting in 2022. There’s being woke, and there’s being totally asleep at the wheel.

*Ezekiel Elliott and Dak Prescott will be teammates in Dallas once again. Well, sorta. The former Cowboys duo will take part in this weekend’s Eric Dickerson All-Star Invitational Charity Gala at Prestonwood Country Club. The event, which supports Dickerson’s ED29 Foundation, is also scheduled to include former Cowboys Charles Haley and Tony Dorsett and current NFL Star Ja’Marr Chase.

*One week it’s a shopping mall in Allen. The next, it’s a Sonic in Keene. Then a house in Seagoville. In a state in which there are more guns than people, the mystery isn’t if there’ll be another shooting … only where.

*Happy to see the Denver Nuggets jumping to a 2-0 lead on the Lakers in the West Finals. Because the Lakers are the Lakers. But also because the Nuggets’ GM is none other than Calvin Booth, who in the 2001 playoffs made one of the most iconic shots in Mavs history to upset the Stockton-to-Malone Jazz in Utah.

*I’d estimate that 87 percent of the time I wake up feeling like the star of my own limited series. The other 13 percent I’m a cameo character that dies in the first episode.

*Fox is bursting at the seams to be able to telecast nine of the Cowboys’ 17 games this season. Says reporter Erin Andrews, “Cowboys games are the most powerful hours of content in television every single year.”

*Everything’s bigger in Texas. Even the conundrums. Still not sure why, but Texans are enamored with H-E-B. Which, far as I can tell, is a grocery store. But I constantly hear folks gloating with Texas pride about its “home-grown” produce and such. Turns out, however, H-E-B is also a progressive, inclusive company that is holding a Gay Pride event complete with a “Kids Zone.” Hmm. Boycott or boast? Decisions, decisions.

*Rangers’ forever radio voice Eric Nadel is improving in his mental health journey, but not to the point to where he’s ready to set a timetable for his return to the microphone. Says Nadel, “I miss it tremendously. It’s really, really hard to not be a part of it.” He’s been announcing Rangers games since 1979, but has yet to call one this season while battling “anxiety, insomnia and depression.”

*This Weekend? Friday-Saturday let’s sojourn to Austin for a little Spartan fun. Sunday, body willing, let’s play some golf. As always, don’t be a stranger.

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