Open and Shut: Do Rangers Have Reliable Closer?

Rangers' closers, former Cowboy Zeke's next hand-off, Mavs' Jason Kidd aloofness and horsing around, all in this week's DFW sports notebook.

WHITT'S END 3.17.23:

Whether you’re at the end of your coffee, your day, your week or even your rope, welcome to Whitt’s End …

*The Texas Rangers will open with Jacob deGrom on Opening Day at Globe Life Field. But who will be their closer?

Last season Jose Leclerc, Jonathan Hernandez and Joe Barlow all closed games. But they recently signed veteran Will Smith, who got the final out of the Braves’ World Series clincher against the Astros in 2021.

No-brainer, right?

*Emmitt Smith sporting not a star, but instead a Cardinal on his helmet. Josh Hamilton on the division-foe Angels. Michael Finley with the rival Spurs. Mike Modano as a hated Red Wing. And next in our uncomfortable, unfathomable field of vision, Ezekiel Elliott playing for the … Philadelphia Eagles?

In the wake of the Dallas Cowboys cutting the third best all-time running back in franchise history this week, anything – awkwardness notwithstanding – is possible. If Tony Dorsett ended his career with the Denver Broncos and Emmitt in Arizona, why can’t Zeke fly with the despised Eagles?

Philly’s starting running back in last month’s Super Bowl – Miles Sanders – left this week for the Panthers, creating a void in the backfield alongside quarterback Jalen Hurts. The Eagles have running backs Rashaad Penny, Kenneth Gainwell and Boston Scott, but even at 27 and with a lot of tread worn off the tires Elliott would be an upgrade.

Shedding Zeke and his hefty salary might be the right move. But if he returns to AT&T Stadium with Philly, it will feel oh so wrong.

*Not since Roger Staubach’s final career “completion” went to offensive lineman Herb Scott for a penalty in a home upset playoff loss to the Rams in 1979 has a Cowboys’ star endured such an undignified final play. Regardless of your opinion of Zeke’s release, let’s agree to not remember him like this: Blown up playing center on the final, futile, fatal play of January’s playoff loss to the 49ers. Deal?

*Sure, the Dallas Mavericks set a franchise record with five players scoring 20+ points in Wednesday night’s overtime victory in San Antonio. But that game also set the unofficial record for ridiculously bad and comical plays at the end of a game. Kicked balls. Egregious turnovers. Air balls. Clanged free throws. Intentionally missed free throws. And two bonehead plays by Maxi Kleber, including an overhead inbounds pass that sailed about 70 feet to no one, and getting lost on defense to allow the Spurs a game-tying lob dunk in the final seconds of regulation. It was a win. But also a reminder. Without Luka Doncic and Kyrie Irving, these Mavs are a 20-win NBA Lottery bunch that were fortunate to survive the 18-51 Spurs.

*Calling all supposed Alpha tough guys. Put your muscle where your mouth is this weekend in Fort Worth. Little 6.2-mile run, interspersed with 10 grueling exercises in between. It’s called HYROX, and it’s the next big thing in fitness events. Dare ya.

*It’s St. Patrick’s Day, which is … totally weird. Why do we do it?! I’ve been to Ireland and, trust me, they don’t celebrate an Uncle Sam Day eating hot dogs and watching baseball.

*With Elliott’s departure the Cowboys have only 10 players remaining from the day Mike McCarthy was hired in 2020: Tyron Smith, Zack Martin, DeMarcus Lawrence, Dak Prescott, Jourdan Lewis, Leighton Vander Esch, Michael Gallup, Dorance Armstrong, Tony Pollard and Donovan Wilson.

*Hot.

*Not.

*There is a Zeke on the field, who we will remember for leading the league in rushing twice, hurdling an Eagles would-be tackler on Sunday Night Football, jumping into the Salvation Army kettle after a Thanksgiving touchdown and his “Feed Me!” gesticulation. Then there is a Zeke off the field, who we will remember for exposing a woman’s breast at the St. Patrick’s Day parade, tirelessly volunteering for various Oak Cliff charities and getting an entire apartment community named after him in 2017. No, really, it’s still there.

*It is 2023 and we still have schools – in Grand Prairie, no less – out there celebrating racism via the n-word. Beyond disgusting.

*As a point guard, Jason Kidd had some of the best court awareness of all time. As a coach, he’s preposterously lacking self-awareness. In 2008 Cowboys’ quarterback Tony Romo lost a de facto playoff game in Philly, 44-6, and uttered his infamous “If this is the worst thing that will ever happen to me, then I’ve lived a pretty good life.” Last week Kidd assessed his team’s ninth loss in 12 games which sent it further careening toward the play-in tournament, thusly: “Understand, we’re getting better. It’s just a matter of can we be healthy in time to make a stretch run? If not, that’s just the season. No one is dying.” No person? Nope. But someone’s bulldog reputation? Yep. You can’t simply shrug off a season in which you traded for Kyrie. You just can’t. Fans certainly won’t.

*Only in Dallas could a teenager steal a horse and then get hit and killed by a driver of a car. In a related story, rodeos are cruel and the Budweiser wagon pulled by Clydesdales is wholly unnecessary.

*Opening Day in Arlington is less than two weeks away. You and yours can take part, for a cool $2,500. Oh? You actually want tickets to watch Rangers-Phillies? That’ll cost you more, silly.

*Spring has sprung but this weekend’s weather isn’t exactly cooperating? No better place to spend a couple days indoors dreaming of being outdoors than this year’s DFW Golf Show, held at Arlington’s Esports Arena.

*The pairing of Stephon Gilmore and Trevon Diggs could be one of the best cornerback dynamic duos in Cowboys history. Speed. Athleticism. Ball skills. Hands. But anyone who watched a couple guys named Mel Renfro and Cornell Green might want their beer held.

*You can’t control what you desire, only what you do.

*Rookie Jaden Hardy became the first Mavs player to score 20+ points in his first two starts. Much more pertinent to this season, however, Dallas is 5-10 in games in which Luka misses or leaves early with an injury.

*Most NFL 100-yard rushing games since 2016: 1. Derrick Henry 34; Ezekiel Elliott 30.

*And the Oscar(s) goes to … a movie so Monty-Python silly that its “fight” scenes include a fanny pack, plastic toy googly eyes, confetti, giant dildos and hot-dog fingers. I love creativity, and quirky. Give me both. But what am I missing with Everything Everywhere All At Once? It somehow won seven Oscars, including Best Picture. Maybe for Best Comedy, but … during each acceptance speech the movie’s representatives talked as if they’d made a serious, transcendent film along the lines of Schindler’s List. But from my view it was more like watching an ADD-addled kids’ version of The Matrix.

*One day in and your bracket is busted, yes? Second-seeded Arizona, gone. Fourth-seeded Virgina, kaput. A little perspective: There are an estimated 7.5 quintillion grains of sand on Earth. If I picked one at random and had you guess which of the 7.5 quintillion grains I chose, your odds of being correct would be 23-percent better than picking a perfect bracket (one in 9.2 quintillion).

*This Weekend? Friday let’s move Dad back home. Between hospital and rehab, he hasn’t slept in his own bed since Dec. 27. Saturday let’s attempt to overcome our lack of training in the Fort Worth HYROX. Sunday let’s catch up on the Madness of March. As always, don’t be a stranger.

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